Empowering the coaching relationship

Coach and coachee have lifes that are for the most part separate but overlap at the point of the session. Both exist in an environment eg organisational; cultural expectation

The brain is split between the analytical and the spiritual / creative

We try and find a herd we're similar to. But there's a part of us that wants to be different from everyone else. This is a judgement process - This is OK - unless the judgement is out of control.

When we first start coaching we do alot of comparing and contrasting - judging

When we're more experienced we get to see that we're all, in essence, the same. The difference is the envirionment.

Judgement can be positive.

Separate the person from the action.

To avoid judging ask exploratory questions. It doesn't matter what we think. But help them unravel as they 'draw' their conversation.

In looking at a kids picture don't say "it's beatiful" simply explore and acknowledge. " It's wonderful that you think it's great."
We only think that we're not imperfect because of others - if we were on a desert island we'd think that we were perfect.

Being silent with someone can be a positive.

Let people be uncomfortable, hurt, sad, cry - just create the space - don't put your arm around them.

Should we seek praise?

Ethics

Originates from customs - a social contract imposed by law or religion

Consider insurance for public liability and indemnity (giving someone advice)

Accountability

Accountability is much better than consequences
Accountability needs structure

Identify sessions that are task vs process orientated

Accountability ties in with the responsibilty. If a client refuses this might be a pattern in their life. It could be a UAC or belief that is a stumbling block.

Accountability reflects commitment

'checking in' is an alternative term for accounatibility.

Use emails to recap commitments

Standards & boundaries

Standards are rules for me
Boundaries are rules for others

Consequences are needed if we don't meet these

Anger is not wrong, as such, it's how we express that anger

We have to teach people how to treat us and this comes from our respect for ourselves. We need good self care.

Hosing is putting someone down; ignoring or dismissing their opinion and can include sarcasm - It kills creativity and openness!

In coaching we can be dismissive of other peoples complaints / pains when we don't consider them to be such a big deal ourselves.

powerful requests 2

Different zones:

1. comfortable
2. learning
3. uncomfortable
4. panic zone

Use as a tool for feedback

Clients are not paying us to stay where they are

Put the bold request in context by advising it goes beyond the client's thinking

Identify false expectations that appear real

Substitute fear for curiousity and fascination

At the heart of fear is inactivity. In a powerful request we face the fear eg of failure; pain; unknown; success (and the stress that goes with that success)

Replace your fear with faith - faith leads to actions which leads to change

If fear has hit the panic zone; overwhelmed - that might be a UAC

Identify the self limiting belief and the doubt loop

Asking someone to rise above themselves is powerful

eg a sales mgt advertisement offered $50K salary and received 240 applicants. The same ad was run with a $250K salary and only 2 applied