respect vs invalidation

Respect can loosely be described as being polite or having manners. However, in coaching respect reflects the heart.. the attitude. We need to first respect ourselves eg self care. We show respect for others by truth telling; listening etc

Respect: 'To consider deserving of high regard'

Judgments get in the way of freedom. We can decide to either respect or invalidate.


Standards: Techniques for creating respect- standards are levels of behaviour - standards are based on experience, education and reason

Personal boundaries

Define your personal boundaries - we have to teach people how to treat us clearly communication

If someone does something to you and you don't like it tell them! If their behaviour doesn't change, it is up to you to remove yourself from the situation.

When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life... and new people will come into your life.


Methods to invalidate someone: Hosing

eg "Don't be stupid"

It is a way in which we invalidate an idea, a thing, a place, ourselves and people.


How a coach shows respect for their client

• Be ready, review any notes from the last session before the call or session
• Be on time and available at the designated time of the session
• Actively listen to both what is being said and what is not being said
• Stay focused and keep the client on track
• Acknowledge both what did and didn't get done during the session
• Really listen to what the client is saying ( and not saying) and repeat it back if there is any doubt in your mind
• If something unavoidable comes up and you cannot meet the coaching call, initiate the call to change times
• Be actively ready to coach
• Be in the present moment
• Avoid judgment

Reflections

I. Look into different areas of your life, and list ten standards by which you already hold yourself responsible to behave.
1. Punctuality 2. Honesty 3. Faithful to my spouse 4. Dress well 5. Do not swear 6. Do not use violence 7. Do not overeat 10.Do not overdrink alcohol
II. Now write down three standards you would like to live by. Choose one to put into practice this week. (If you like, try a new standard a week, or per month.) At the end of the week, post your experience on the discussion board under this topic.
1. Exercise every day 2. Always placing other peoples' interests first 3. Be myself - be authentic

III Discussion - Where in your life do you think you need to strengthen your boundaries?

habitual trash internet usage

IV Make a list of your personal boundaries; What are they?
no violence

hands off rule

no swearing

no inappropriate jokes

no trash tv

no bullying / putting people down

V. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself?

1. Fulfilled my commitment to work intensely on my ICA course during my holiday

2. Organised my teenage children to work on extra house chores during the school holiday to free up my time

3. Taking 'time out' with my wife

VI. What about respect for others?

1. Listening to other peoples stories whilst working in my holidays in my wife's shop

2. Understanding why another driver was angry when he thought (incorrectly) I was pushing in a queue of cars and consequently waving a 'thank you'

3. Validating my son's keen interest in books

VII. In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated yourself. Pinpoint your underlying judgements in each of these.

1. Lack of formal exercise

2. Not always finding fun in my work

3. Being angry

To follow
VIII. In the next three days, recognise three ways you invalidate others, and turn it into respect.
IX. in the following four days, recognize three ways you disrespect yourself, and turn it into respect. (For example, change eating habits from junk food to healthy foods.)