Note: Cherylrichardson.com
Recognise anxiety
Action reminds us we have what it takes
"Do it, ditch it, delegate it" - give yourself 1 hour to do one of the options
Describe the feeling of being in action and not being in action
Motion questions:
What 6 things can you do now around this goal?
What can you start tomorrow?
What's the simplest step you can take right now?
Use accountablity and rewards
Reasons people don't move forward:
1. Fear
2. Caught up in past experiences
3. Habits
4. Negative self talk around a UAC
5. Self doubt
6. Goals are too
a) small
b) large
7. No support system
8. No vision
9. It's not really the coachee's goal - could highlight dependancy issues - depending on the coach
A coachee needs to be self sufficient
Friday, December 5, 2008
creating confidence
a recipe for confidence
1. trust in confidence
2. past experiences - wisdom
3. being committed and in action
As a coach we can gain confidence knowing that we can use our life and work experience - at least to know the questions even though we haven't always got the coachee's answer.
In any bio always write about the real you and not who you want people to think you are
1. trust in confidence
2. past experiences - wisdom
3. being committed and in action
As a coach we can gain confidence knowing that we can use our life and work experience - at least to know the questions even though we haven't always got the coachee's answer.
In any bio always write about the real you and not who you want people to think you are
the coaching process
curiosity is key
4 tools
1. Truth telling
2. listening
3. perspective
4. feedback
result = reframe
4 tools
1. Truth telling
2. listening
3. perspective
4. feedback
result = reframe
powerful questions
What makes question powerful?
1. Takes our breath away
2. Stops you in yor tracks
3. Opens up possibilities that you have never dreamed of before - validates who you are
Powerful questions include:
1. Takes our breath away
2. Stops you in yor tracks
3. Opens up possibilities that you have never dreamed of before - validates who you are
Powerful questions include:
- What would your legacy be?
- What do you need most right night?
- What are you tolerating?
- What gets you out of bed each morning?
- 3 things you'd like more in life?
- 3 things you'd like less?
- What if ...... What would happen ........
- What do you do like breathing?
- Visualize old age, being at the end of yor life - regrets; who do you have aound you?
- If you had a million dollars what 3 causes would you give it to?
- Use silence!
reframing 2 & 3/3
The ladder of influence - check systems-thinking.org
When making an assumption ask "what is the evidence that the assumption is true"
Journal our assumptions to capture our thinking
Sounds like ....
Your lens, right now, is pretty cloudy .....
"I feel like....." does that make you a ......"
"You'll emerge more resilient - like a butterfly"
"Can I give you some feedback?"
What support groups do you have eg journal; legal; councellor; time with friends
When making an assumption ask "what is the evidence that the assumption is true"
Journal our assumptions to capture our thinking
Sounds like ....
Your lens, right now, is pretty cloudy .....
"I feel like....." does that make you a ......"
"You'll emerge more resilient - like a butterfly"
"Can I give you some feedback?"
What support groups do you have eg journal; legal; councellor; time with friends
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
celebrating
Keep a gratitude journal - check out proverbs
At the start of the day write down the way you want the day to go - check any 'I don't deserve' moments
Use game vs significance
Ask a client how they wil celebrate
Just being in the moment can be a celebration
At the start of the day write down the way you want the day to go - check any 'I don't deserve' moments
Use game vs significance
Ask a client how they wil celebrate
Just being in the moment can be a celebration
structures
Structures - are a framework; foundation
They remind us what is important
For some structures are negative but it is, in fact, a form of support to reach a goal - a support system that keeps people moving in action
Without structure we have chaos
Our structure is something that supports something that you're committed to. Once we've recognised this, we can make a choice to keep structures or not We also need to ID structures that do not support our goals.
Are we supporting our clients to create or to take away some structure?
Structure = freedom rather than constraint; they reminders as to what we're committed to.
Consider describing your coaching model in the first few weeks eg include the quitting zone etc so the client knows where they're heading to. How do your clients know about their boundaries and your standards?
eg of boundaries
cell phones to be turned off
lateness
open / honesty
client should be prepared eg goals or fieldwork
client to have pen / paper
eg of standards
confidentiality
respect
honesty
lateness / missing a session
Passion + Structure = action
The more measurable it is the easier it is to reach that goal
replace willpower by structure; we can never rely on willpower.
We can be busy but not with the necessary action to move us towards our goal.
Sometimes we have impulse to change 'enough is enough!' These impulses rarely last.
Most clients are probably in an impulse for change - probably having failed once
Without structures / coaching our natural tendency is to keep our old patterns.
Trying (willpower)
vs
Commitment (creates structure)
Coaches can catch an impulse and stretch them for a much longer period sometimes for a lifetime.
Coaching, in itself, is a powerful structure
A goal is an outward visible outcome
A commitment is the inner drive that produced that goal to begin with
They remind us what is important
For some structures are negative but it is, in fact, a form of support to reach a goal - a support system that keeps people moving in action
Without structure we have chaos
Our structure is something that supports something that you're committed to. Once we've recognised this, we can make a choice to keep structures or not We also need to ID structures that do not support our goals.
Are we supporting our clients to create or to take away some structure?
Structure = freedom rather than constraint; they reminders as to what we're committed to.
Consider describing your coaching model in the first few weeks eg include the quitting zone etc so the client knows where they're heading to. How do your clients know about their boundaries and your standards?
eg of boundaries
cell phones to be turned off
lateness
open / honesty
client should be prepared eg goals or fieldwork
client to have pen / paper
eg of standards
confidentiality
respect
honesty
lateness / missing a session
Passion + Structure = action
The more measurable it is the easier it is to reach that goal
replace willpower by structure; we can never rely on willpower.
We can be busy but not with the necessary action to move us towards our goal.
Sometimes we have impulse to change 'enough is enough!' These impulses rarely last.
Most clients are probably in an impulse for change - probably having failed once
Without structures / coaching our natural tendency is to keep our old patterns.
Trying (willpower)
vs
Commitment (creates structure)
Coaches can catch an impulse and stretch them for a much longer period sometimes for a lifetime.
Coaching, in itself, is a powerful structure
A goal is an outward visible outcome
A commitment is the inner drive that produced that goal to begin with
advanced coaching tehniques
Reflect on sentences - if short / analytical use scales 1 - 10
Qu Can you see the next number
Look at successful strategies that got your client to the point in the scale they're already at
Workshop of Personal Basics
Don't push but lead / pull clients with a vision they can't wait to arrive at
Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do differently?
Resource: Barry Duncan - the heroic client
What is missing; Is there a price you're not willing to pay to achieve the goal
Qu Can you see the next number
Look at successful strategies that got your client to the point in the scale they're already at
Workshop of Personal Basics
Don't push but lead / pull clients with a vision they can't wait to arrive at
Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do differently?
Resource: Barry Duncan - the heroic client
What is missing; Is there a price you're not willing to pay to achieve the goal
Monday, December 1, 2008
Responding ve reacting
Qu:
Is this reaction expressing how you truly feel?
What is really going on here?
What are you trying to preserve?
Identify the feeling - become aware of where you are being 'trapped'
Signs: Anger; annoyance, frustration, defensiveness
To respond we need to ID the trap
Is this reaction expressing how you truly feel?
What is really going on here?
What are you trying to preserve?
Identify the feeling - become aware of where you are being 'trapped'
Signs: Anger; annoyance, frustration, defensiveness
To respond we need to ID the trap
empowering the coaching relationship
'System beats intention'
Note 'Power calls' for 2-10 mins
In a business setting allow the recipient to give feedback to the sponsoring person eg ER person
Stages of change
1 Pre-contemplation - not even thinking about it
2 contemplation - beginning to think about their behaviour
3 Prepare to take action - getting resources
4 Take action including backsliding
5 maintenance - don't have to think about it
Note 'Power calls' for 2-10 mins
In a business setting allow the recipient to give feedback to the sponsoring person eg ER person
Stages of change
1 Pre-contemplation - not even thinking about it
2 contemplation - beginning to think about their behaviour
3 Prepare to take action - getting resources
4 Take action including backsliding
5 maintenance - don't have to think about it
Advanced coaching technique
Anxiety... what if...
I must do things perfectly well
Note sleeping problem
ID what works; What was it like when you last had a good sleep
What was present then that is missing now?
I must do things perfectly well
Note sleeping problem
ID what works; What was it like when you last had a good sleep
What was present then that is missing now?
Acknowledgement
Specific feedback really reinforces the validity of your acknowledgment.
Avoid methodical acknowledgement for the sake of it.
However, we can invite a client at the start of every session to consider their wins. Consequently, our acknowledgement can be relevant.
Keep an acknowledgement journal of your client
Ladder of influence
Like a rug and on it you set a folding ladder.
The rug represents all the experiences we could have.
We tend to focus on certain things. Some focus on the detail, some on the process, some on the relational - who's here? Some on the possibilities (lateral thinkers )
We then begin to walk up the ladder.
First step: This is what's happening,
Next: This is what it means
Next: I'd better do something
We can go up the ladder so fast that we're sometimes not aware of the way we're looking at things.
Avoid methodical acknowledgement for the sake of it.
However, we can invite a client at the start of every session to consider their wins. Consequently, our acknowledgement can be relevant.
Keep an acknowledgement journal of your client
Ladder of influence
Like a rug and on it you set a folding ladder.
The rug represents all the experiences we could have.
We tend to focus on certain things. Some focus on the detail, some on the process, some on the relational - who's here? Some on the possibilities (lateral thinkers )
We then begin to walk up the ladder.
First step: This is what's happening,
Next: This is what it means
Next: I'd better do something
We can go up the ladder so fast that we're sometimes not aware of the way we're looking at things.
Moving Forward
Staying in the past is like drivnig looking into the rear view mirror.
Coach is like a cabbie - the destination is up to the client.
Provide structures for promises etc Note the cultural differences between promises and commitment.
There will always be a difference between fact and our interpretation.
Resources
Break the procrastination habit - Williams Knaus
Concentrate - Sam Horne
Coach is like a cabbie - the destination is up to the client.
Provide structures for promises etc Note the cultural differences between promises and commitment.
There will always be a difference between fact and our interpretation.
Resources
Break the procrastination habit - Williams Knaus
Concentrate - Sam Horne
UAC - Underlying Automatic Commitment
To let go of a UAC is an evolving conversation that often cannot be rushed. We need to be gentle. UAC's have been built up over a life time - consequently, it's going to take time to change.
Who ID's the UAC?
Generally, the client has to explore and label it. We can suggest issues but we shouldn't necessarily be the ones to label it.
When you've tapped into a UAC don't stop the conversation. It may be that the client has used a convenient label.
Who ID's the UAC?
Generally, the client has to explore and label it. We can suggest issues but we shouldn't necessarily be the ones to label it.
When you've tapped into a UAC don't stop the conversation. It may be that the client has used a convenient label.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Empowering the coaching relationship
Coach and coachee have lifes that are for the most part separate but overlap at the point of the session. Both exist in an environment eg organisational; cultural expectation
The brain is split between the analytical and the spiritual / creative
We try and find a herd we're similar to. But there's a part of us that wants to be different from everyone else. This is a judgement process - This is OK - unless the judgement is out of control.
When we first start coaching we do alot of comparing and contrasting - judging
When we're more experienced we get to see that we're all, in essence, the same. The difference is the envirionment.
Judgement can be positive.
Separate the person from the action.
To avoid judging ask exploratory questions. It doesn't matter what we think. But help them unravel as they 'draw' their conversation.
In looking at a kids picture don't say "it's beatiful" simply explore and acknowledge. " It's wonderful that you think it's great."
We only think that we're not imperfect because of others - if we were on a desert island we'd think that we were perfect.
Being silent with someone can be a positive.
Let people be uncomfortable, hurt, sad, cry - just create the space - don't put your arm around them.
Should we seek praise?
The brain is split between the analytical and the spiritual / creative
We try and find a herd we're similar to. But there's a part of us that wants to be different from everyone else. This is a judgement process - This is OK - unless the judgement is out of control.
When we first start coaching we do alot of comparing and contrasting - judging
When we're more experienced we get to see that we're all, in essence, the same. The difference is the envirionment.
Judgement can be positive.
Separate the person from the action.
To avoid judging ask exploratory questions. It doesn't matter what we think. But help them unravel as they 'draw' their conversation.
In looking at a kids picture don't say "it's beatiful" simply explore and acknowledge. " It's wonderful that you think it's great."
We only think that we're not imperfect because of others - if we were on a desert island we'd think that we were perfect.
Being silent with someone can be a positive.
Let people be uncomfortable, hurt, sad, cry - just create the space - don't put your arm around them.
Should we seek praise?
Ethics
Originates from customs - a social contract imposed by law or religion
Consider insurance for public liability and indemnity (giving someone advice)
Consider insurance for public liability and indemnity (giving someone advice)
Accountability
Accountability is much better than consequences
Accountability needs structure
Identify sessions that are task vs process orientated
Accountability ties in with the responsibilty. If a client refuses this might be a pattern in their life. It could be a UAC or belief that is a stumbling block.
Accountability reflects commitment
'checking in' is an alternative term for accounatibility.
Use emails to recap commitments
Accountability needs structure
Identify sessions that are task vs process orientated
Accountability ties in with the responsibilty. If a client refuses this might be a pattern in their life. It could be a UAC or belief that is a stumbling block.
Accountability reflects commitment
'checking in' is an alternative term for accounatibility.
Use emails to recap commitments
Standards & boundaries
Standards are rules for me
Boundaries are rules for others
Consequences are needed if we don't meet these
Anger is not wrong, as such, it's how we express that anger
We have to teach people how to treat us and this comes from our respect for ourselves. We need good self care.
Hosing is putting someone down; ignoring or dismissing their opinion and can include sarcasm - It kills creativity and openness!
In coaching we can be dismissive of other peoples complaints / pains when we don't consider them to be such a big deal ourselves.
Boundaries are rules for others
Consequences are needed if we don't meet these
Anger is not wrong, as such, it's how we express that anger
We have to teach people how to treat us and this comes from our respect for ourselves. We need good self care.
Hosing is putting someone down; ignoring or dismissing their opinion and can include sarcasm - It kills creativity and openness!
In coaching we can be dismissive of other peoples complaints / pains when we don't consider them to be such a big deal ourselves.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
powerful requests 2
Different zones:
1. comfortable
2. learning
3. uncomfortable
4. panic zone
Use as a tool for feedback
Clients are not paying us to stay where they are
Put the bold request in context by advising it goes beyond the client's thinking
Identify false expectations that appear real
Substitute fear for curiousity and fascination
At the heart of fear is inactivity. In a powerful request we face the fear eg of failure; pain; unknown; success (and the stress that goes with that success)
Replace your fear with faith - faith leads to actions which leads to change
If fear has hit the panic zone; overwhelmed - that might be a UAC
Identify the self limiting belief and the doubt loop
Asking someone to rise above themselves is powerful
eg a sales mgt advertisement offered $50K salary and received 240 applicants. The same ad was run with a $250K salary and only 2 applied
1. comfortable
2. learning
3. uncomfortable
4. panic zone
Use as a tool for feedback
Clients are not paying us to stay where they are
Put the bold request in context by advising it goes beyond the client's thinking
Identify false expectations that appear real
Substitute fear for curiousity and fascination
At the heart of fear is inactivity. In a powerful request we face the fear eg of failure; pain; unknown; success (and the stress that goes with that success)
Replace your fear with faith - faith leads to actions which leads to change
If fear has hit the panic zone; overwhelmed - that might be a UAC
Identify the self limiting belief and the doubt loop
Asking someone to rise above themselves is powerful
eg a sales mgt advertisement offered $50K salary and received 240 applicants. The same ad was run with a $250K salary and only 2 applied
Monday, April 21, 2008
coaching process 3
Reflections
Looking at the overall coaching techniques and models, what do you think are the benefits of having a coaching model or set of tools to use when coaching?
A model is an overview of the coaching process and has a number of benefits for the coach and prospective coachee. For the coach it reflects what he or she is actually doing in the coaching sessions. It gives me an overall direction and process. A model allows the coach and coachee to see the 'Big Picture'. It is helpful to use a visual or acronym etc. In doing so, the coaching model can be used for a range of marketing purposes including the business card, web site, welcome pack etc
How would you use the tools or models in a coaching session?
The coaching process gives detail to the set of tools that have been highlighted in the coaching model. This set of tools gives a coach strategies (the 'how') to move the client forward in any given situation. Obviously, it's not simply a matter of having the tools but knowing how to use them and in particular WHEN we should use them. This suite of tools needs to be organic - we need to grow and in doing so we'll develop and add to our tools.
After a session a coach can reflect on the issues that have been raised and deliberately plan an appropriate tool to help the client in the following session.
Consider how you would use specific tools effectively. At what stage of the process would you find particular tools the most useful?
It is situational and the following is simply a model.
At the beginning of the process I would use tools that would help the client align clients values to their goals: value-based goals. This may be a list of word prompts or visuals. There would be significant questions and listening and truthful feedback including different perspectives. At this stage it is also possible to challenge the client to reach for goals they haven't even thought possible.
Once the goals have been clarified, enthusing will help drive a client commitment. This commitment will also be reinforced in subsequent sessions by celebrating successes. Along the ups and downs of the journey power tools will be utilised as and when required.
Looking at the overall coaching techniques and models, what do you think are the benefits of having a coaching model or set of tools to use when coaching?
A model is an overview of the coaching process and has a number of benefits for the coach and prospective coachee. For the coach it reflects what he or she is actually doing in the coaching sessions. It gives me an overall direction and process. A model allows the coach and coachee to see the 'Big Picture'. It is helpful to use a visual or acronym etc. In doing so, the coaching model can be used for a range of marketing purposes including the business card, web site, welcome pack etc
How would you use the tools or models in a coaching session?
The coaching process gives detail to the set of tools that have been highlighted in the coaching model. This set of tools gives a coach strategies (the 'how') to move the client forward in any given situation. Obviously, it's not simply a matter of having the tools but knowing how to use them and in particular WHEN we should use them. This suite of tools needs to be organic - we need to grow and in doing so we'll develop and add to our tools.
After a session a coach can reflect on the issues that have been raised and deliberately plan an appropriate tool to help the client in the following session.
Consider how you would use specific tools effectively. At what stage of the process would you find particular tools the most useful?
It is situational and the following is simply a model.
At the beginning of the process I would use tools that would help the client align clients values to their goals: value-based goals. This may be a list of word prompts or visuals. There would be significant questions and listening and truthful feedback including different perspectives. At this stage it is also possible to challenge the client to reach for goals they haven't even thought possible.
Once the goals have been clarified, enthusing will help drive a client commitment. This commitment will also be reinforced in subsequent sessions by celebrating successes. Along the ups and downs of the journey power tools will be utilised as and when required.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
empowering the coaching relationship
The ego wants predictability not a risk
In coaching we must be careful not to 'please' our client or be worried about being 'liked'. We simply need to be ourselves and trust the coaching process.
Making relationships starts with us as coaches.
Things we can do internally: Prepare for learning; taking everything that has happened to us and use it as a strength.
Technique: Close your eyes and think of fighting as a soldier. What are you thinking / feeling if you were going to kill or be killed. At the survival mode not a lot of thinking happens. It is more 'fight or flight' - Our blood goes to our arms and legs away from our head. Everyday stress causes cells to mutate in order to exist at a lower blood supply.
Letting go of stuff empowers the relationship
Note: Richard Hawkins Power vs Force and the Map of conscientiousness
Empowering the coaching relationship
Being coachable is being willing to hear and act on input from another as a contribution and an opportunity when a client is not coachable clues are:
Remember part of coaching is seed planting; you'll eventually learn not to keep pushing uphill.
Expectations
Clients must understand what is expected of them: Set up a structure. If the client doesn't meet these expectations then they must be reinforced.
Responsibility
You are responsible for
setting up the structure
maintaining accountability
maintaining your self imposed standards
The client is responsible for all outcomes, good and bad - this should be made clear in your welcome pack
Help clients to acknowledge the partnership
Make it fun but still maintaining accountability
Preparation
A client who is unprepared
often does not have enough attention on coaching
will probably not know what they want to work on
may not have done their fieldwork
will usually rely on you to drive the coaching
You may organise a proforma that you simply email. Basically a client needs to come to the session with some sense of what they want to get out of it.
Availability
Power Calls (2-10 minutes)
Checking for feedback is very valuable for eg find out what is missing
Ask for feedback at the end of each session "What did you get from today's coaching?"
You do not need a session structure to coach. However, there are some good reasons to have one. When you begin coaching you will benefit from the support of a structure may help the client to understand what is happening in the coaching sessions so that they take more ownership of the coaching relationship. eg:
In coaching we must be careful not to 'please' our client or be worried about being 'liked'. We simply need to be ourselves and trust the coaching process.
Making relationships starts with us as coaches.
Things we can do internally: Prepare for learning; taking everything that has happened to us and use it as a strength.
Technique: Close your eyes and think of fighting as a soldier. What are you thinking / feeling if you were going to kill or be killed. At the survival mode not a lot of thinking happens. It is more 'fight or flight' - Our blood goes to our arms and legs away from our head. Everyday stress causes cells to mutate in order to exist at a lower blood supply.
Letting go of stuff empowers the relationship
Note: Richard Hawkins Power vs Force and the Map of conscientiousness
Empowering the coaching relationship
Being coachable is being willing to hear and act on input from another as a contribution and an opportunity when a client is not coachable clues are:
- It feels like you are pushing
- The client is resisting or arguing
- The client will not take an action
First, enthuse the client
Second tell the client what you are observingRemember part of coaching is seed planting; you'll eventually learn not to keep pushing uphill.
Expectations
Clients must understand what is expected of them: Set up a structure. If the client doesn't meet these expectations then they must be reinforced.
Responsibility
You are responsible for
setting up the structure
maintaining accountability
maintaining your self imposed standards
The client is responsible for all outcomes, good and bad - this should be made clear in your welcome pack
Help clients to acknowledge the partnership
Make it fun but still maintaining accountability
Preparation
A client who is unprepared
often does not have enough attention on coaching
will probably not know what they want to work on
may not have done their fieldwork
will usually rely on you to drive the coaching
You may organise a proforma that you simply email. Basically a client needs to come to the session with some sense of what they want to get out of it.
Availability
Power Calls (2-10 minutes)
Client tells you concisely what the issue is & you respond with concise, powerful coaching
Power calls enable you to bond more closely
Roughly one Powercall per week.
Good idea to do a mid-week call; even a midweek email to see how you are doing
Don't list as a standard service one of your extra services - surprise them!
Checking for feedback is very valuable for eg find out what is missing
Ask for feedback at the end of each session "What did you get from today's coaching?"
You do not need a session structure to coach. However, there are some good reasons to have one. When you begin coaching you will benefit from the support of a structure may help the client to understand what is happening in the coaching sessions so that they take more ownership of the coaching relationship. eg:
- Acknowledgement
- Accountability
- Enthusing
- Focus
- Action
- Feedback
confidence
Coaching can bring more spirituality into your life. It is argued that we have beliefs that triggers behaviour that triggers results. However, spirituality may trigger the beliefs.
4 Levels of life
1. Victim - we are, who we are, because of the world
2. Behavioural - believe if we change our behaviour results will follow
3. Belief - change a belief (possibility a UAC) and reframe
4. Spiritual - letting go of control
Note how we can have split personalities
* Feelers vs analytical
* Christian vs secular
* Boss vs subservient
These can often be a work / home split
4 Levels of life
1. Victim - we are, who we are, because of the world
2. Behavioural - believe if we change our behaviour results will follow
3. Belief - change a belief (possibility a UAC) and reframe
4. Spiritual - letting go of control
Note how we can have split personalities
* Feelers vs analytical
* Christian vs secular
* Boss vs subservient
These can often be a work / home split
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
perspective 2
We need to filter all the information we have from the outside world. We all do this in different ways. We simply need to be aware of this process and slow down people's thinking. We need to be aware of our 'lenses' and identify any 'smudges'/
Robert Keegan 5 steps from subject to object (How the way we talk can change the way we work):
1. Know that our perspective exists
2. The implications
3. Evidence that the perspective is not true; any evidence
4. Identify where the belief came from
5. Test the truth of the belief
Robert Keegan 5 steps from subject to object (How the way we talk can change the way we work):
1. Know that our perspective exists
2. The implications
3. Evidence that the perspective is not true; any evidence
4. Identify where the belief came from
5. Test the truth of the belief
confidence 1
Confidence grows with validation
Being in the game eg analogy of being a substitute sitting on the bench of a football game. We'd feel we were valued less.
Measure of success of a coaching session should be exhilaration, fun. learning not just do we have another session agreed to... If we have a bad session simply learn from it.
Managing expectations is important for your confidence; have confidence in the coaching process. Take the pressure off yourself as being the expert. We just one of the players.
What is a 'a- ha' moment? It is difficult to describe. Don't build your confidence around the frequency of an 'a-ha' moment.
If we had more confidence what would you do?
Rejection is something we make up in our head. Therefore why fear it?
The best way to sell our coaching is to find out what problems people have and whether our 'product' can help. If not, send the coachee to someone who can.
Be aware that our experience need only be a day ahead of our coachee!
Module notes:
Confidence: Based on life experiences and simply who we are
Writing your biography
The simpler the better - 2/3 paragraphs
major life and career changes tell an interesting story
Professional photos
A picture can say a thousand words and lend credibility
Our choice of clothing, facial expression and pose all provide information - expresses who you are
Your picture can be used on letterheads; business cards; website etc
Testimonials
They help a prospective client see that you have helped someone else
It can be as simple as a couple of lines. We need permission to use it and id information - full name; job title; company name and city
Testimonial Tips
STARR
Situation
Task
Activity
Results
Recommendation
Most clients are happy for a coach to do some edits; to send it back and confirm.
Start collecting positive emails
Offer a free coaching session so they become one of your very first clients.
Reframing your personal perspective
How comfortable do you feel five minutes before a coaching session? Are you comfortable enough to invite ALL of your friends and colleagues. If you feel that people have serious problems which MUST be fixed you might feel some pressure or reluctance as a coach to move forward.
Typical perspectives that disempower coaches include:
I MUST convince them that I'm worthy
I MUST keep them as a client
I MUST make sure I get them as a client
If I don't know what to say I'll look stupid
This client is counting on me!What if I let them down?
If I give wrong advice I'll feel terrible
I don't know enough yet. One day I'll be a good coach
I really hope I'll impress this person with my coaching
Notice how much attention is on YOU instead of focusing on the client and what's best for them
eg's of reframed perspectives that empower coaches
The client must live their own life; I'll support them the nest way I can
The client gets the credit and is also responsible for their own actions
I create value by being there, being present
Every session is an exploration of possibilities
I give up my need to control everything and I am ready to be in the flow
I'm going to have FUN in every session
Being in the game eg analogy of being a substitute sitting on the bench of a football game. We'd feel we were valued less.
Measure of success of a coaching session should be exhilaration, fun. learning not just do we have another session agreed to... If we have a bad session simply learn from it.
Managing expectations is important for your confidence; have confidence in the coaching process. Take the pressure off yourself as being the expert. We just one of the players.
What is a 'a- ha' moment? It is difficult to describe. Don't build your confidence around the frequency of an 'a-ha' moment.
If we had more confidence what would you do?
Rejection is something we make up in our head. Therefore why fear it?
The best way to sell our coaching is to find out what problems people have and whether our 'product' can help. If not, send the coachee to someone who can.
Be aware that our experience need only be a day ahead of our coachee!
Module notes:
Confidence: Based on life experiences and simply who we are
Writing your biography
The simpler the better - 2/3 paragraphs
major life and career changes tell an interesting story
Professional photos
A picture can say a thousand words and lend credibility
Our choice of clothing, facial expression and pose all provide information - expresses who you are
Your picture can be used on letterheads; business cards; website etc
Testimonials
They help a prospective client see that you have helped someone else
It can be as simple as a couple of lines. We need permission to use it and id information - full name; job title; company name and city
Testimonial Tips
STARR
Situation
Task
Activity
Results
Recommendation
Most clients are happy for a coach to do some edits; to send it back and confirm.
Start collecting positive emails
Offer a free coaching session so they become one of your very first clients.
Reframing your personal perspective
How comfortable do you feel five minutes before a coaching session? Are you comfortable enough to invite ALL of your friends and colleagues. If you feel that people have serious problems which MUST be fixed you might feel some pressure or reluctance as a coach to move forward.
Typical perspectives that disempower coaches include:
I MUST convince them that I'm worthy
I MUST keep them as a client
I MUST make sure I get them as a client
If I don't know what to say I'll look stupid
This client is counting on me!What if I let them down?
If I give wrong advice I'll feel terrible
I don't know enough yet. One day I'll be a good coach
I really hope I'll impress this person with my coaching
Notice how much attention is on YOU instead of focusing on the client and what's best for them
eg's of reframed perspectives that empower coaches
The client must live their own life; I'll support them the nest way I can
The client gets the credit and is also responsible for their own actions
I create value by being there, being present
Every session is an exploration of possibilities
I give up my need to control everything and I am ready to be in the flow
I'm going to have FUN in every session
goal setting 1
Goals give us a direction; purpose and a way of measuring progress. Characteristics include:
* specific steps
* realistic
* small
* identify stumbling blocks
* avoids drifting
'Who' we become can be more important to us than 'What' we achieve
If our goals are not in line with our values we can notice:
* use of 'should'
* lack of energy / motivation
* lack of follow through / action
* resentment / conflict
We can't align goals to values unless we really know what they are. How can we determine values?
* use a visual pie - ask coachee to slice into what's important to them
* use various value exercises / word prompts
* ask what people they admire and their qualities
* Give a scale of 1-10 to how connected you are to a value in your life right now.
Module notes:
Goals have the power top keep us focused on a purpose
Often a number of goals are simmering at the same time in their personal and business life
Often friends and relatives cannot provide the necessary support
A coach is an objective observer who we can trust to support us in our goals
Goals and values
Start with value based goals; sometimes we tempted to make goals to 'please' friends or family. Value based goals will make them compelling being aligned to areas that matter most to us
Prioritise and give all our energy to the most important.
Be S.M.A.R.T.
Some strategies
Creating a process
Remember the client needs to own them and needs to be allowed to alter the process so that it works best for them
Reflections
Think about a goal that you have set for yourself in the past week. Did you achieve your goal or not?
To have up to date my notes for the ICA course
In light of the points that we have just looked at, why do you think you had this outcome?
It was a SMART goal; I had set out a schedule of steps; didn't allow any hijackers;
If you were going to set yourself the same goal that you listed in the previous discussion how would you define that goal now?
Since I've been successful - In the same way
How can you keep your goals foremost in the front of your mind?
Write them down and review daily
* specific steps
* realistic
* small
* identify stumbling blocks
* avoids drifting
'Who' we become can be more important to us than 'What' we achieve
If our goals are not in line with our values we can notice:
* use of 'should'
* lack of energy / motivation
* lack of follow through / action
* resentment / conflict
We can't align goals to values unless we really know what they are. How can we determine values?
* use a visual pie - ask coachee to slice into what's important to them
* use various value exercises / word prompts
* ask what people they admire and their qualities
* Give a scale of 1-10 to how connected you are to a value in your life right now.
Module notes:
Goals have the power top keep us focused on a purpose
Often a number of goals are simmering at the same time in their personal and business life
Often friends and relatives cannot provide the necessary support
A coach is an objective observer who we can trust to support us in our goals
Goals and values
Start with value based goals; sometimes we tempted to make goals to 'please' friends or family. Value based goals will make them compelling being aligned to areas that matter most to us
Prioritise and give all our energy to the most important.
Be S.M.A.R.T.
Some strategies
- Writing them down
- Review daily
- Avoid goal hijackers - when making decisions ask yourself "will this take me closer or further from the goal"
- Don't be rigid and unable to take up opportunities; keeping focused on your values you can rework goals
- Decide whether your goal is something that you can do alone or whether you need support from others; will you have his/her cooperation
- Phrase your goals in the positive
- Turn your goals into positive affirmations. Writing your goals as if they already have happened is a powerful motivator eg at the end of the year I will have successfully ......
- Only share your goals with those who will support you in achieving them
Creating a process
- Set a goal
- List the resources needed to achieve it
- List the assets you currently have to make it possible
- Identify any blocks or obstacles standing in the way
- List any significant milestones to reach along the way (with dates)
- List the actions required to meet the first milestone by a given date
- Build in a reward or celebration for when you do reach the goal
Remember the client needs to own them and needs to be allowed to alter the process so that it works best for them
Reflections
Think about a goal that you have set for yourself in the past week. Did you achieve your goal or not?
To have up to date my notes for the ICA course
In light of the points that we have just looked at, why do you think you had this outcome?
It was a SMART goal; I had set out a schedule of steps; didn't allow any hijackers;
If you were going to set yourself the same goal that you listed in the previous discussion how would you define that goal now?
Since I've been successful - In the same way
How can you keep your goals foremost in the front of your mind?
Write them down and review daily
respect vs invalidation
Respect can loosely be described as being polite or having manners. However, in coaching respect reflects the heart.. the attitude. We need to first respect ourselves eg self care. We show respect for others by truth telling; listening etc
Respect: 'To consider deserving of high regard'
Judgments get in the way of freedom. We can decide to either respect or invalidate.
Standards: Techniques for creating respect- standards are levels of behaviour - standards are based on experience, education and reason
Personal boundaries
Define your personal boundaries - we have to teach people how to treat us clearly communication
If someone does something to you and you don't like it tell them! If their behaviour doesn't change, it is up to you to remove yourself from the situation.
When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life... and new people will come into your life.
Methods to invalidate someone: Hosing
eg "Don't be stupid"
It is a way in which we invalidate an idea, a thing, a place, ourselves and people.
How a coach shows respect for their client
Respect: 'To consider deserving of high regard'
Judgments get in the way of freedom. We can decide to either respect or invalidate.
Standards: Techniques for creating respect- standards are levels of behaviour - standards are based on experience, education and reason
Personal boundaries
Define your personal boundaries - we have to teach people how to treat us clearly communication
If someone does something to you and you don't like it tell them! If their behaviour doesn't change, it is up to you to remove yourself from the situation.
When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life... and new people will come into your life.
Methods to invalidate someone: Hosing
eg "Don't be stupid"
It is a way in which we invalidate an idea, a thing, a place, ourselves and people.
How a coach shows respect for their client
- Be ready, review any notes from the last session before the call or session
- Be on time and available at the designated time of the session
- Actively listen to both what is being said and what is not being said
- Stay focused and keep the client on track
- Acknowledge both what did and didn't get done during the session
- Really listen to what the client is saying ( and not saying) and repeat it back if there is any doubt in your mind
- If something unavoidable comes up and you cannot meet the coaching call, initiate the call to change times
- Be actively ready to coach
- Be in the present moment
- Avoid judgment
Reflections
I. Look into different areas of your life, and list ten standards by which you already hold yourself responsible to behave.
1. Punctuality 2. Honesty 3. Faithful to my spouse 4. Dress well 5. Do not swear 6. Do not use violence 7. Do not overeat 10.Do not overdrink alcohol
II. Now write down three standards you would like to live by. Choose one to put into practice this week. (If you like, try a new standard a week, or per month.) At the end of the week, post your experience on the discussion board under this topic.
1. Exercise every day 2. Always placing other peoples' interests first 3. Be myself - be authentic
III Discussion - Where in your life do you think you need to strengthen your boundaries?
habitual trash internet usage
IV Make a list of your personal boundaries; What are they?
no violence
hands off rule
no swearing
no inappropriate jokes
no trash tv
no bullying / putting people down
V. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself?
1. Fulfilled my commitment to work intensely on my ICA course during my holiday
2. Organised my teenage children to work on extra house chores during the school holiday to free up my time
3. Taking 'time out' with my wife
VI. What about respect for others?
2. Understanding why another driver was angry when he thought (incorrectly) I was pushing in a queue of cars and consequently waving a 'thank you'
3. Validating my son's keen interest in books
VII. In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated yourself. Pinpoint your underlying judgements in each of these.
1. Lack of formal exercise
2. Not always finding fun in my work
3. Being angry
To follow
VIII. In the next three days, recognise three ways you invalidate others, and turn it into respect.
IX. in the following four days, recognize three ways you disrespect yourself, and turn it into respect. (For example, change eating habits from junk food to healthy foods.)
power questions
Be careful not to use an inappropriate 'powerful' closed question
eg do you have fear here?.... instead use something like... how do you feel in this situation?... I'm noticing some trembling in your voice.
Powerful questions unlock or reveal a truth that they may be unaware of or have not faced up to it. Often emotion will follow.
Note C (context) R (Response) I (Intent) Q (Question)
Are there questions we need to ask ourselves?
Is this draining me?
Am I judging rather than curious?
Note 'Adaptive Coaching' by Blake & Spears - about different styles of coaching
A therapist asks: What's wrong with you
A coach will ask: What do you really want?
Powerful questions
Helps in the problem solving process - explore ideas even further
If we continue to ask questions eventually we have an answer which does not appear to present a new question - the basis for discovering truth- Socratic method
Lower and higher level questions
Lower level - Simple application of facts
Higher level - involves analysis, synthesis and evaluation skills.
Lower level
eg do you have fear here?.... instead use something like... how do you feel in this situation?... I'm noticing some trembling in your voice.
Powerful questions unlock or reveal a truth that they may be unaware of or have not faced up to it. Often emotion will follow.
Note C (context) R (Response) I (Intent) Q (Question)
Are there questions we need to ask ourselves?
Is this draining me?
Am I judging rather than curious?
Note 'Adaptive Coaching' by Blake & Spears - about different styles of coaching
A therapist asks: What's wrong with you
A coach will ask: What do you really want?
Powerful questions
Helps in the problem solving process - explore ideas even further
If we continue to ask questions eventually we have an answer which does not appear to present a new question - the basis for discovering truth- Socratic method
Lower and higher level questions
Lower level - Simple application of facts
Higher level - involves analysis, synthesis and evaluation skills.
Lower level
- Evaluating clients preparation and comprehension about a subject
- To focus on small steps
- When a client is discouraged or lacking enthusiasm
Higher level
- Encourage clients to have a more in depth discussion.We use the qu: Why? Can you elaborate? What evidence do you have to support your answer?
- We encourage clients to 'unpack' their thinking
- It goes beyond factual to to apply what is known to what is unknown and to elaborate on what is known - to find their own 'truths'.
Lower and higher level questions are both valuable.
Open and closed questions
Open ended questions give the client the maximum space in which to respond.
They are good openers eg "what success have you had this week?"
Closed are fast and action orientated and force a client to commit. They are good closers of sessions. eg " Are you willing to take on this request during the next week?"
Aligning questions
Align the topic of discussion to their overall values, visions and dreams.
eg "what would life look like if it were exactly the way you wanted it to be? What is holding you back?"
Think Time
Lower level questions may need around 3 secs
Higher level questions may need 5 or more secs
Questioning is really just an extension of listening - it can only occurs in response to what the client is saying.
Aligning questions: the topic of discussion will be more focused on my values, visions and dreams
Reflection:
How do you respond to these different types of questions?
Lower: apply facts and enable small steps; encourages me
Higher: analysis; synthesis and evaluation leading to more in depth discussion; apply the unknown to the known; discover our truth; gain a different perspective; helps align goals to values
Open: Enables me to open a discussion
Closed: I have to make a decision to commit or not
Aligning questions: the topic of discussion will be more focused on my values, visions and dreams
What is the difference in the type of response you will give?
They serve a different purpose at different stages of the coaching process.
What are the implications and possibilities of these different approaches?
Implications: Helps me grow more quickly and 'unpacks' my thinking
Possibilities: Different perspective; reassessment of my values; problem solving; take action; generates energy or drains
How would you use them with your clients?
To unpack their thinking without judgement
What are some additional questions that you might ask a client?
how do you feel in this situation?... I'm noticing some trembling in your voice.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
powerful requests
A bold request can go beyond the thought process of the coachee... they haven't even thought about such an opportunity - rather than simply extending, going beyond an existing thought from the client.
Remember coaching is about creating an action; a result. Ultimately, the client takes ownership by accepting the challenge.
We can be creative without it being 'advice'
Story: A CEO had a desk full of paper. The coach asked him if he'd consider taking absolutely everything off his desk and cleaning it. Then was asked if he'd look at his clean desk for an hour. At this point he'd determine which paper he'd put back on desk. As a CEO it was his choice what he;d look at first.
Most of us live in a comfort zone. Making a powerful request you're moving from a comfort zone to an uncomfortable zone and subsequently a learning zone. At this point some panic and return to the comfort zone.
Module notes:
Clients want to expand their vision; take risks and achieve more. We can hold a space for a client to grow by making powerful requests and assigning them fieldwork that opens up possibilities. In other words we challenge them to be their best. Such requests can cause change, stir thought forward and cause action. Consequently, we can cause shifts and actions in our client.
Most powerful requests
It is not us asking that they do something for us. Instead, we want them to do something for themselves.
A request is like a contract
1. Accept
2. Say no, and give a reason
3. Negotiate
Bold Requests
Safe porting is preparing someone for something beforehand by putting it in context - by labeling it as a 'bold request' acknowledges that it may be a stretch.
Fieldwork
Usually comes out of the coaching itself - the best fieldwork can come from the clients themselves - just ask " what would be a good thing for you to do this week?"
During the coaching session, take notes and write down what the clients fieldwork is for the next week. If we don't follow up and ask about it they may simply let it go.
At times the fieldwork may not be done - don't look at it as a failure. Use it as learning tool - discover the barriers and commitments. There is a distinction between committed and interested. Fieldwork should be practical, achievable and measurable.
Challenging your clients
Fieldwork that gets them out of their comfort zone - ask for twice what they say they can achieve - give the challenge with a fun perspective - an element of a game. The client might not achieve it but still surpass their own 'bar'. The best thing we can do is raise the bar.
Reflection
Think of an issue in your life right now where you would like to take some action. What would you be a powerful request that you, as a coach, would make to yourself to move forward? What would be the minimum that you would accept of yourself? What would be the potential benefits of this request?
I'd like to take action in securing trial clients. A powerful request would be to contact 'x' number of ICA students and ask 'x' number of friends in the next week. Minimum no x 5 ICA and non- ICA students. The potential benefit is that I acquire my first experience in coaching.
What are the benefits when designing fieldwork as part of a coaching arrangement?
Accelerated growth and accountability; it becomes a partnership and the coachee can own it especially if they have determined the fieldwork.
What would stop a client from being willing to do fieldwork?
If it's not practical, achievable or measurable. It may not be in context. The client may not be committed to a particular goal - it may not align with his/her values. The client may not be 'coachable' not really wanting any change or is dysfunctional.
If a client continually fails to complete fieldwork, what are some of the possible things that might be going on?
There might be barriers holding them back or a lack of commitment. There is a difference between being committed and interested.
How can you as a coach balance the need to support your client with the need to challenge them?
Challenging a client can take them out of their comfort zone but it can be balanced by a sense of fun, game and adventure.
Remember coaching is about creating an action; a result. Ultimately, the client takes ownership by accepting the challenge.
We can be creative without it being 'advice'
Story: A CEO had a desk full of paper. The coach asked him if he'd consider taking absolutely everything off his desk and cleaning it. Then was asked if he'd look at his clean desk for an hour. At this point he'd determine which paper he'd put back on desk. As a CEO it was his choice what he;d look at first.
Most of us live in a comfort zone. Making a powerful request you're moving from a comfort zone to an uncomfortable zone and subsequently a learning zone. At this point some panic and return to the comfort zone.
Module notes:
Clients want to expand their vision; take risks and achieve more. We can hold a space for a client to grow by making powerful requests and assigning them fieldwork that opens up possibilities. In other words we challenge them to be their best. Such requests can cause change, stir thought forward and cause action. Consequently, we can cause shifts and actions in our client.
Most powerful requests
It is not us asking that they do something for us. Instead, we want them to do something for themselves.
A request is like a contract
1. Accept
2. Say no, and give a reason
3. Negotiate
Bold Requests
Safe porting is preparing someone for something beforehand by putting it in context - by labeling it as a 'bold request' acknowledges that it may be a stretch.
Fieldwork
Usually comes out of the coaching itself - the best fieldwork can come from the clients themselves - just ask " what would be a good thing for you to do this week?"
During the coaching session, take notes and write down what the clients fieldwork is for the next week. If we don't follow up and ask about it they may simply let it go.
At times the fieldwork may not be done - don't look at it as a failure. Use it as learning tool - discover the barriers and commitments. There is a distinction between committed and interested. Fieldwork should be practical, achievable and measurable.
Challenging your clients
Fieldwork that gets them out of their comfort zone - ask for twice what they say they can achieve - give the challenge with a fun perspective - an element of a game. The client might not achieve it but still surpass their own 'bar'. The best thing we can do is raise the bar.
Reflection
Think of an issue in your life right now where you would like to take some action. What would you be a powerful request that you, as a coach, would make to yourself to move forward? What would be the minimum that you would accept of yourself? What would be the potential benefits of this request?
I'd like to take action in securing trial clients. A powerful request would be to contact 'x' number of ICA students and ask 'x' number of friends in the next week. Minimum no x 5 ICA and non- ICA students. The potential benefit is that I acquire my first experience in coaching.
What are the benefits when designing fieldwork as part of a coaching arrangement?
Accelerated growth and accountability; it becomes a partnership and the coachee can own it especially if they have determined the fieldwork.
What would stop a client from being willing to do fieldwork?
If it's not practical, achievable or measurable. It may not be in context. The client may not be committed to a particular goal - it may not align with his/her values. The client may not be 'coachable' not really wanting any change or is dysfunctional.
If a client continually fails to complete fieldwork, what are some of the possible things that might be going on?
There might be barriers holding them back or a lack of commitment. There is a difference between being committed and interested.
How can you as a coach balance the need to support your client with the need to challenge them?
Challenging a client can take them out of their comfort zone but it can be balanced by a sense of fun, game and adventure.
the coaching process 2
Coaching model: the 'what' - can be the visual
Coaching process - the 'how'
New behaviour has to be better than the old behaviour - a more positive outcome
People may fall back occasionally but they are now aware of their actions and are capable of getting back on track.
The key is to know when to use our tools. At different stages we'll use a different array of tools. We don't have to explain each tool to the client. We simply implement a tool.
We need to consider the learning style of the coachee.
Do we need to tell clients about the process? It's situational.
Coaching process - the 'how'
New behaviour has to be better than the old behaviour - a more positive outcome
People may fall back occasionally but they are now aware of their actions and are capable of getting back on track.
The key is to know when to use our tools. At different stages we'll use a different array of tools. We don't have to explain each tool to the client. We simply implement a tool.
We need to consider the learning style of the coachee.
Do we need to tell clients about the process? It's situational.
commitment vs trying 2
1. Look further ahead - how do you see yourself in the future - what would your life look like?
2. Looking back - what is stopping you?
Desire to slim - you can take steps to achieve this goal without focusing on what can be the negative concept of the slimming and deprivation. eg just have a plan to take dancing lessons. Slimming is not the focus, fun is!
Technique for establishing a fee based clientele - 'If you're not completely satisfied you can have your money back.
2. Looking back - what is stopping you?
Desire to slim - you can take steps to achieve this goal without focusing on what can be the negative concept of the slimming and deprivation. eg just have a plan to take dancing lessons. Slimming is not the focus, fun is!
Technique for establishing a fee based clientele - 'If you're not completely satisfied you can have your money back.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
the coaching process
It's not just a nice conversation
Ask
What are they willing to change; what results. Talk about these matters in the trial session - that people want to start and finish somewhere. Ask what do they expect from coaching and how we'll get there.
We need to get to know each other - sometimes they see us as an expert; that we've got it together
'The gap' is between the problem and destination. We must be non-judgemental; a listener. If we're not suitable etc we must honestly advise the coachee of that.
An ICA students story: A friend was dying and for some days she needed to just be there and LISTEN.
Module Notes:
Coaching = process of inquiry and personal discovery
Coaching = goal setting and strategic action
ICA Coaching Process
------------------------ THE GAP ------------------------------
Beginning -----------------------------------------------The Goal
Honeymoon phase-----------------------------------Quitting Zone
---------------------------UAC's---------------------------------
Truth telling; listening; questioning; power tools; celebrating;
----------perspective; feedback; challenging; enthusing
------------------PILLARS OF COACHING
The Gap: space between where the client is and where they want to be
Honeymoon: time where the coaching is earning the trust of the client and developing a strong foundation for the coaching relationship to be built upon
The journey: The process will have its ups and downs. None of it is good or bad
Peaks and valleys: peak - doing great; valleys - stumbling blocks
Quitting zone: Research has shown people will quit just before they are about to reach their goal - fear of failure or success or simple the inability to hold the vision - The coach can hold the vision.
The goal: Concrete or something more intrinsic. Clients are working on more than one goal at a time and therefore there are many sub-goals.
UAC's: We may or may not be aware of them; finding out what our beliefs or judgements tend to impede progress is what coaching effectively is all about.
The pillars of coaching:
Enthusing is important at all stages but is particularly important in the quitting zone. Accountability - goal setting
The real skill is not just in using tools but in knowing what tool to use at each stage of a process and as each eventually arises.
Reflection:
Use priorities in life as a vehicle to establish and develop relationships - emotional, intelligence - managing relationship - learning how to learn
The difference between the coaching process and the coaching model A model is a visual representation The process is a more detailed narrative and could help explain the model
We can have a model and text in conjunction
How do we understand other people?
Thinking or Feeling model?
Do we treat people the way we want to be treated or the way they want to be treated?
Ask
What are they willing to change; what results. Talk about these matters in the trial session - that people want to start and finish somewhere. Ask what do they expect from coaching and how we'll get there.
We need to get to know each other - sometimes they see us as an expert; that we've got it together
'The gap' is between the problem and destination. We must be non-judgemental; a listener. If we're not suitable etc we must honestly advise the coachee of that.
An ICA students story: A friend was dying and for some days she needed to just be there and LISTEN.
Module Notes:
Coaching = process of inquiry and personal discovery
Coaching = goal setting and strategic action
ICA Coaching Process
------------------------ THE GAP ------------------------------
Beginning -----------------------------------------------The Goal
Honeymoon phase-----------------------------------Quitting Zone
---------------------------UAC's---------------------------------
Truth telling; listening; questioning; power tools; celebrating;
----------perspective; feedback; challenging; enthusing
------------------PILLARS OF COACHING
The Gap: space between where the client is and where they want to be
Honeymoon: time where the coaching is earning the trust of the client and developing a strong foundation for the coaching relationship to be built upon
The journey: The process will have its ups and downs. None of it is good or bad
Peaks and valleys: peak - doing great; valleys - stumbling blocks
Quitting zone: Research has shown people will quit just before they are about to reach their goal - fear of failure or success or simple the inability to hold the vision - The coach can hold the vision.
The goal: Concrete or something more intrinsic. Clients are working on more than one goal at a time and therefore there are many sub-goals.
UAC's: We may or may not be aware of them; finding out what our beliefs or judgements tend to impede progress is what coaching effectively is all about.
The pillars of coaching:
Enthusing is important at all stages but is particularly important in the quitting zone. Accountability - goal setting
The real skill is not just in using tools but in knowing what tool to use at each stage of a process and as each eventually arises.
Reflection:
Use priorities in life as a vehicle to establish and develop relationships - emotional, intelligence - managing relationship - learning how to learn
The difference between the coaching process and the coaching model A model is a visual representation The process is a more detailed narrative and could help explain the model
We can have a model and text in conjunction
How do we understand other people?
Thinking or Feeling model?
Do we treat people the way we want to be treated or the way they want to be treated?
coaching model
A coach challenges the client to take the time to find out what is truly important. Having a coach is like having a partner whose highest priority is your success.
It provides accountability. There is an underlying belief we must pay a price to achieve something eg paying with health issues or strained relationships.
Many are tired of just getting by in life or in their career. People are less willing to settle and are more willing to take a risk.
In todays economic environment people have the time and resources to invest in themselves. People have discovered the myth of the 'work / life divide'. Successful business people and managers make time for activities that enrich and inspire.
The model can be used as a marketing tool - can be displayed on a website and other promotional material.
Coaching is a hybrid field with roots in a range of philosophies and professional practices. Some models are:
1. LQAF - Listen, question, acknowledge and feedback.
2. Taking action coaching model - Goal setting, planning, support and acknowledgement
3. 4D coaching model - dialogue, decision, doing, digesting
Once you've completed a model check:
1. Does this model depict what is happening during our coaching sessions?
2. Does this model help clarify what happens during the coaching session?
3. Does it help to have a model that depicts what happens during the session?
Your model is an organic document.
It provides accountability. There is an underlying belief we must pay a price to achieve something eg paying with health issues or strained relationships.
Many are tired of just getting by in life or in their career. People are less willing to settle and are more willing to take a risk.
In todays economic environment people have the time and resources to invest in themselves. People have discovered the myth of the 'work / life divide'. Successful business people and managers make time for activities that enrich and inspire.
The model can be used as a marketing tool - can be displayed on a website and other promotional material.
Coaching is a hybrid field with roots in a range of philosophies and professional practices. Some models are:
1. LQAF - Listen, question, acknowledge and feedback.
2. Taking action coaching model - Goal setting, planning, support and acknowledgement
3. 4D coaching model - dialogue, decision, doing, digesting
Once you've completed a model check:
1. Does this model depict what is happening during our coaching sessions?
2. Does this model help clarify what happens during the coaching session?
3. Does it help to have a model that depicts what happens during the session?
Your model is an organic document.
Trust vs Doubt
Trust gives us confidence and freedom.
We need to trust ourself or it can be a source of doubt. Doubt considerations include:
1. Negative - from others it can be judgement
2. Can fuel self doubt that already exists
3. Focus on past failures
4. Doubt from others is 'noise'
5. Being in doubt is driving with the breaks on
6. Doubt can grow when there are no immediate results
We need to focus on having the right people around you 'believing eyes'.
Story
An old toothless lion is in the middle of the forest. He roars loud and all the other animals run to the edge of the forest where they were eaten by other lions lying in wait. When you hear the roar in your life go towards it!
As a coachee you can sometimes lack responsibility for eg to make preparation.
A complaint is information for us and is a gift: 1 perfect coaching client 2. there's a conversation. 3. it's a chance to reestablish trust 4. it's a chance to reestablish relationships 5 it shows they still want a relationship 6 it shows something I need to address in myself
Note game of frustration to fascination
Story
A horse ran away. The next day he came back with a wild horse. The man's son rode the horse and broke his leg. The next day the govt conscripted soldiers and he didn't have to go.
Don't judge - everything is perfect.
Note Van Sanders: The art of possibility
We can have a perspective of trust - empowered to take action
We can have a perspective of doubt - fear
Doubt is produced by judgements - it starts with judging that something isn't perfect eg when we judge that having no money is wrong. Therefore, when we do not have abundance we worry.
We need the opposite perspective: Having no money could be just right for us right now.
When we give ourselves an 'A' it opens trust.
How to realise perfection
The opposite of fear is clarity. If there is fear, can we define the fear so we can clearly reason it out? Look for possible advantages found in whatever they feel is imperfect.
The antagonist
Always the catalyst for change and further growth. See the antagonist as an opportunity for growth.
Viewing Perfection as perfect
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be and that it is perfect. Our lives are a combination of every choice we have ever made and in that respect we have created our lives.
One of our purposes is to learn - in this way we can see that life is perfect.
Is life perfect? Our perception can make it so.
Questions we can ask:
1. Let's take a step back for a moment. What advantages can you see in this particular situation?
2. Is there someone you know who is really positive? What are some advantages they might see in this particular situation.
3. If there was a lesson to be learned here what is it?
A Special Tip
'Down Motion' is easier to express than an 'up motion'
Respect the process
Should we lay down and accept everything in life? No we can accept life in the present whilst planning to change it.
1. See the beauty and perfection in what is really happening. Hearing but not reacting.
2. Create a vision of how life could be and make a commitment to reach that vision.
Do not focus on the result alone. Otherwise we'll be hooked on the result. Accept the process.
Gratitude vs Complaining
We're conditioned to complain - a bad habit. Gratitude though is always welcoming.
Consider working with the effects of a perspective. When you're in perfection 'gratitude' is the natural outcome.
When you're in a problem, complaining is the outcome. Result: You're drained.
Questions to shift complaining:
1. What do you get out of complaining
2. So what is there to be grateful for in this case?
3. What's the ads of this situation
Everything will work out - it always does.
We need to trust ourself or it can be a source of doubt. Doubt considerations include:
1. Negative - from others it can be judgement
2. Can fuel self doubt that already exists
3. Focus on past failures
4. Doubt from others is 'noise'
5. Being in doubt is driving with the breaks on
6. Doubt can grow when there are no immediate results
We need to focus on having the right people around you 'believing eyes'.
Story
An old toothless lion is in the middle of the forest. He roars loud and all the other animals run to the edge of the forest where they were eaten by other lions lying in wait. When you hear the roar in your life go towards it!
As a coachee you can sometimes lack responsibility for eg to make preparation.
A complaint is information for us and is a gift: 1 perfect coaching client 2. there's a conversation. 3. it's a chance to reestablish trust 4. it's a chance to reestablish relationships 5 it shows they still want a relationship 6 it shows something I need to address in myself
Note game of frustration to fascination
Story
A horse ran away. The next day he came back with a wild horse. The man's son rode the horse and broke his leg. The next day the govt conscripted soldiers and he didn't have to go.
Don't judge - everything is perfect.
Note Van Sanders: The art of possibility
We can have a perspective of trust - empowered to take action
We can have a perspective of doubt - fear
Doubt is produced by judgements - it starts with judging that something isn't perfect eg when we judge that having no money is wrong. Therefore, when we do not have abundance we worry.
We need the opposite perspective: Having no money could be just right for us right now.
When we give ourselves an 'A' it opens trust.
How to realise perfection
The opposite of fear is clarity. If there is fear, can we define the fear so we can clearly reason it out? Look for possible advantages found in whatever they feel is imperfect.
The antagonist
Always the catalyst for change and further growth. See the antagonist as an opportunity for growth.
Viewing Perfection as perfect
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be and that it is perfect. Our lives are a combination of every choice we have ever made and in that respect we have created our lives.
One of our purposes is to learn - in this way we can see that life is perfect.
Is life perfect? Our perception can make it so.
Questions we can ask:
1. Let's take a step back for a moment. What advantages can you see in this particular situation?
2. Is there someone you know who is really positive? What are some advantages they might see in this particular situation.
3. If there was a lesson to be learned here what is it?
A Special Tip
'Down Motion' is easier to express than an 'up motion'
Respect the process
Should we lay down and accept everything in life? No we can accept life in the present whilst planning to change it.
1. See the beauty and perfection in what is really happening. Hearing but not reacting.
2. Create a vision of how life could be and make a commitment to reach that vision.
Do not focus on the result alone. Otherwise we'll be hooked on the result. Accept the process.
Gratitude vs Complaining
We're conditioned to complain - a bad habit. Gratitude though is always welcoming.
Consider working with the effects of a perspective. When you're in perfection 'gratitude' is the natural outcome.
When you're in a problem, complaining is the outcome. Result: You're drained.
Questions to shift complaining:
1. What do you get out of complaining
2. So what is there to be grateful for in this case?
3. What's the ads of this situation
Everything will work out - it always does.
Game vs Significance
Perspective: Take different photos of the same object. Ask people to describe their perspective.
Evidence of significance: Long time to answer questions; negative self talk.
We can ask permission to lighten the moment.
Cross cultural: Learned ways we do things; set of UAC's that provide structure.
Different cultures have a different approach to goals. Therefore, call them something else - in their language or context.
Respect goes a long way - non-judgemental
People are passionate about something - it's just that we have different passions - different expressions but the sources are the same. Life themes are the same. Different cultures can offer a different perspective.
Use a value exploration at the beginning. Ask who do they most admire: 3 people and their qualities. Are these then important to you.
Questions: What if something didn't happen? What would it look like?
Note: Obviously there are times when we do not 'play' eg death; divorce
Strategy to move from significance to game: Frustration to Fascination
Notes:
It can disempower us to get significant or to take ourselves too seriously.
Reframing: We're terrified of failing. However, if failing during a game you're still in ACTION - You're in the game.
Lightening - 'What is the worst thing that could happen?' ... can lift some of the burden.
It could also provide perspective as to when and with whom the significance seems to be the strongest. By tracking the situations where significance is playing a big role we can begin to see a pattern. Once the pattern is discovered, we can take action towards changing that pattern and start to lighten the situation.
Getting over significance of coaching and lightening up - as a new coach marketing is key. Avoid the hard sell and become an ambassador for coaching.
Create a game around how many people you can let know about coaching. Also, create a game to see how many trial rejections you can get!
Evidence of significance: Long time to answer questions; negative self talk.
We can ask permission to lighten the moment.
Cross cultural: Learned ways we do things; set of UAC's that provide structure.
Different cultures have a different approach to goals. Therefore, call them something else - in their language or context.
Respect goes a long way - non-judgemental
People are passionate about something - it's just that we have different passions - different expressions but the sources are the same. Life themes are the same. Different cultures can offer a different perspective.
Use a value exploration at the beginning. Ask who do they most admire: 3 people and their qualities. Are these then important to you.
Questions: What if something didn't happen? What would it look like?
Note: Obviously there are times when we do not 'play' eg death; divorce
Strategy to move from significance to game: Frustration to Fascination
Notes:
It can disempower us to get significant or to take ourselves too seriously.
Reframing: We're terrified of failing. However, if failing during a game you're still in ACTION - You're in the game.
Lightening - 'What is the worst thing that could happen?' ... can lift some of the burden.
It could also provide perspective as to when and with whom the significance seems to be the strongest. By tracking the situations where significance is playing a big role we can begin to see a pattern. Once the pattern is discovered, we can take action towards changing that pattern and start to lighten the situation.
Getting over significance of coaching and lightening up - as a new coach marketing is key. Avoid the hard sell and become an ambassador for coaching.
Create a game around how many people you can let know about coaching. Also, create a game to see how many trial rejections you can get!
Responsibility vs Blame
Responsibility leads to freedom
Needs perspective that you caused a situation. Then you have the power to change it.
Blame = loss of freedom & disempowerment - Consequently, resentment and victim position - something happened to me.
No one is ever totally blameless.
Techniques
Taking responsibility can start difficult conversations - Use 'I'
Tool: Accomplice
Given total responsibility can be really difficult. However, people can often see how they contributed to a situation or at least went along with it.
Technique: Extreme Perspective on an issue - 100% responsibility vs 100% not responsibility - Feel the difference in comparing both positions.
Forgiveness has everything to do with us. In forgiveness we release ourselves.
Truth - some things are outside by our coachees control. However, what we do have control over is our ability to make choices - our responses - We need to concentrate on things we can control. Let's learn from our mistakes.
Taking responsibility - we build character, self esteem, integrity, clarity and value.
Alternatively, we can avoid 'punishment' but this can lead to more trouble.
Blame Game
A person who is never at fault - helpless victim of circumstances by choice.
Responsibility is a privilege not a burden.
The blame game can become part of our thinking.
We play by accepting that others are stronger, smarter and more resourceful than you. An indicator is lots of 'shoulds'. Advantages: 1. Don't have to take responsibility 2. Decisions are left to everyone else.
We can stop by knowing that no-one can do anything to you without your permission.
In class:
Invite the client to take responsibility in small steps.
How are you contributing to this situation? What do we control? What role did you play in this situation? What would help you feel better in this role?
We can't be responsible for someone else's actions. In business we're accountable for a
subordinate's action rather than being responsibility.
We're responsible for our response. Self blame is a big issue.
We can be responsible in planning 20 phone calls to secure clients. We cannot control if we get 'x' no of clients.
Needs perspective that you caused a situation. Then you have the power to change it.
Blame = loss of freedom & disempowerment - Consequently, resentment and victim position - something happened to me.
No one is ever totally blameless.
Techniques
Taking responsibility can start difficult conversations - Use 'I'
Tool: Accomplice
Given total responsibility can be really difficult. However, people can often see how they contributed to a situation or at least went along with it.
Technique: Extreme Perspective on an issue - 100% responsibility vs 100% not responsibility - Feel the difference in comparing both positions.
Forgiveness has everything to do with us. In forgiveness we release ourselves.
Truth - some things are outside by our coachees control. However, what we do have control over is our ability to make choices - our responses - We need to concentrate on things we can control. Let's learn from our mistakes.
Taking responsibility - we build character, self esteem, integrity, clarity and value.
Alternatively, we can avoid 'punishment' but this can lead to more trouble.
Blame Game
A person who is never at fault - helpless victim of circumstances by choice.
Responsibility is a privilege not a burden.
The blame game can become part of our thinking.
We play by accepting that others are stronger, smarter and more resourceful than you. An indicator is lots of 'shoulds'. Advantages: 1. Don't have to take responsibility 2. Decisions are left to everyone else.
We can stop by knowing that no-one can do anything to you without your permission.
In class:
Invite the client to take responsibility in small steps.
How are you contributing to this situation? What do we control? What role did you play in this situation? What would help you feel better in this role?
We can't be responsible for someone else's actions. In business we're accountable for a
subordinate's action rather than being responsibility.
We're responsible for our response. Self blame is a big issue.
We can be responsible in planning 20 phone calls to secure clients. We cannot control if we get 'x' no of clients.
Truth Telling
* Public speaking
* Truth - being authentic
* The way it is = truth
* The only truth that is important in coaching is the coachees perspective
Telling the truth from complete acceptance
Just listening can help people come to the truth
We're all diamonds covered in mud and the mud has hardened - our job is to help the client uncover their mud
Note: Dr David Brynes - 'Internal Beliefs'
* Truth - being authentic
* The way it is = truth
* The only truth that is important in coaching is the coachees perspective
Telling the truth from complete acceptance
Just listening can help people come to the truth
We're all diamonds covered in mud and the mud has hardened - our job is to help the client uncover their mud
Note: Dr David Brynes - 'Internal Beliefs'
Truth vs Fraud
Fraud - a lie or withholding information
Don't have people drawn to a 'front' - If so, we become resentful, lonely. People need to access the real you - we're real when we tell the truth. The cost of lying can be living a lie. It takes significant energy to tell a lie.
We fear
1. Losing a friend
2. Being seen as imperfect
3. Hurting other people's feelings
4. Judgment
Telling the tuth
1. Freedom - nothing to hide
2. Being a model
3. True acceptance and real love
Perception is reality and reality is out truth. Whether to tell the truth or not will always be measured by the consequences we have to face.
Tuth vs Opinion - is simply a thought held by one or more individuals. Our opinions are based on our beliefs and can change depending on new information.
Truth vs Honesty - honesty is a moral issue. It is a personal interpretation of right or wrong.
If we're not telling the truth:
* I feel like something is missing
* I feel this isn't adding up
* What evidence do you have that this is true?
* What makes you think that?
Note: Therapist as lifecoach by Patrick Williams
Sometimes we have to give time - ask clients to check in with their heart,
Use imagery eg See behind a door eg Climbing a ladder what do you see?
Our truth (internal) vs The truth (external)
Relief is a feeling coming from truth - authentic self
Secrets vs Discretion
Truth vs Openess
Issue: When the client isn't true to theirself
Our response can be: I'm noticing that you're drained, pausing etc; Are you feeling comfortable with this situation?
Don't have people drawn to a 'front' - If so, we become resentful, lonely. People need to access the real you - we're real when we tell the truth. The cost of lying can be living a lie. It takes significant energy to tell a lie.
We fear
1. Losing a friend
2. Being seen as imperfect
3. Hurting other people's feelings
4. Judgment
Telling the tuth
1. Freedom - nothing to hide
2. Being a model
3. True acceptance and real love
Perception is reality and reality is out truth. Whether to tell the truth or not will always be measured by the consequences we have to face.
Tuth vs Opinion - is simply a thought held by one or more individuals. Our opinions are based on our beliefs and can change depending on new information.
Truth vs Honesty - honesty is a moral issue. It is a personal interpretation of right or wrong.
If we're not telling the truth:
* I feel like something is missing
* I feel this isn't adding up
* What evidence do you have that this is true?
* What makes you think that?
Note: Therapist as lifecoach by Patrick Williams
Sometimes we have to give time - ask clients to check in with their heart,
Use imagery eg See behind a door eg Climbing a ladder what do you see?
Our truth (internal) vs The truth (external)
Relief is a feeling coming from truth - authentic self
Secrets vs Discretion
Truth vs Openess
Issue: When the client isn't true to theirself
Our response can be: I'm noticing that you're drained, pausing etc; Are you feeling comfortable with this situation?
Monday, February 4, 2008
Underlying automatic commitment
Reflections
Started With commitment vs trying
Beliefs and judgements we believe of ourselves and those around us.
We’re always committed to something – no grey area. Whatever you’re committed to your experience.
A UAC is an unconscious commitment. It is an insight they have of their self.
We repeat our actions because its predictable, comfortable, an easy option.
Narrative coaching:
Coaching around your story of your life. We puts bits in we like and some we don’t like. It’s not absolutely true; it’s our interpretation of our life. UAC’s are part of our story. It is a good way to start your session and coaching relationship.
Most of us want to change
Research cognitive behavioural therapy. Limited use is OK combined with coaching.
Question: What’s the reward for continuing the behaviour
Answer: ‘No reward’
But there is always an underlying reward.
UAC’s eg’s
I’m not good enough – victim
If you have an asset & don’t look after it, it’ll become a liability
I’m a good person; I’ve done more good than bad.
Model your own experience in recognising UAC’s – this will encourage your client to search for their own UAC.
Resource: Susan Scott – Fierce Conversations
All relationships are conversations
At any given time you’re building or destroying conversations. This can be a conversation with yourself.
Is the UAC an obstacle?
Not always but we need to be aware of them so we can choose to continue with the commitment or not.
Why bother to discern UAC’s
Discerning an UAC is empowering. We are then able to choose whether to embed in our life and use them when necessary or we can reject them.
What are some unwanted behaviours you currently have in your life? Using this process, can you now see what might be behind these outcomes?
Being frustrated at having to frequently wipe benches down in the kitchen. My UAC or belief is that I’m a victim whenever I wipe the benches down.
With this new insight, what would be an empowering action to take?
Empowering action is to recognise that it is my role in the household to clean the benches down – how simple is that! Others in the household have different roles – washing up; cooking etc
Why is it important not to view UAC’s as bad or wrong?
It will only lead to more disempowerment. All you will do is get involved in analysis. By allowing it to simply be, we’re able to see other opportunities.
Why is knowledge of an UAC helpful in making constructive choices?
By discerning UAC, this allows one to see what it is that has been dominating their life. We can then find release from it and move forward. We can have a fresh perspective in order to take action outside the old pattern of behaviour
Started With commitment vs trying
Beliefs and judgements we believe of ourselves and those around us.
We’re always committed to something – no grey area. Whatever you’re committed to your experience.
A UAC is an unconscious commitment. It is an insight they have of their self.
We repeat our actions because its predictable, comfortable, an easy option.
Narrative coaching:
Coaching around your story of your life. We puts bits in we like and some we don’t like. It’s not absolutely true; it’s our interpretation of our life. UAC’s are part of our story. It is a good way to start your session and coaching relationship.
Most of us want to change
Research cognitive behavioural therapy. Limited use is OK combined with coaching.
Question: What’s the reward for continuing the behaviour
Answer: ‘No reward’
But there is always an underlying reward.
UAC’s eg’s
I’m not good enough – victim
If you have an asset & don’t look after it, it’ll become a liability
I’m a good person; I’ve done more good than bad.
Model your own experience in recognising UAC’s – this will encourage your client to search for their own UAC.
Resource: Susan Scott – Fierce Conversations
All relationships are conversations
At any given time you’re building or destroying conversations. This can be a conversation with yourself.
Is the UAC an obstacle?
Not always but we need to be aware of them so we can choose to continue with the commitment or not.
Why bother to discern UAC’s
Discerning an UAC is empowering. We are then able to choose whether to embed in our life and use them when necessary or we can reject them.
What are some unwanted behaviours you currently have in your life? Using this process, can you now see what might be behind these outcomes?
Being frustrated at having to frequently wipe benches down in the kitchen. My UAC or belief is that I’m a victim whenever I wipe the benches down.
With this new insight, what would be an empowering action to take?
Empowering action is to recognise that it is my role in the household to clean the benches down – how simple is that! Others in the household have different roles – washing up; cooking etc
Why is it important not to view UAC’s as bad or wrong?
It will only lead to more disempowerment. All you will do is get involved in analysis. By allowing it to simply be, we’re able to see other opportunities.
Why is knowledge of an UAC helpful in making constructive choices?
By discerning UAC, this allows one to see what it is that has been dominating their life. We can then find release from it and move forward. We can have a fresh perspective in order to take action outside the old pattern of behaviour
Sunday, February 3, 2008
perspective 1
Your perspective determines your experience in life, not your circumstances.
Reframe: Shifting our perspective
Use the tool of observation
Ask questions:
‘What is your perspective on this that is giving you this result?’
‘What’s the perspective you take now that could empower you to solve it?’
or
‘What’s missing here, that once it is included will make this situation flow.’
Disempowering view: Victim ‘it’s not my fault’; fear; doubt.
Empowering view: Respect; responsibility; action, creation
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react
Different perspectives can be considered by describing how different people would look at the issue eg a 5 year old toddler vs an elderly person.
We think with our entire body – the way we give expression in our face and body; our posture.
Reframe: Shifting our perspective
Use the tool of observation
Ask questions:
‘What is your perspective on this that is giving you this result?’
‘What’s the perspective you take now that could empower you to solve it?’
or
‘What’s missing here, that once it is included will make this situation flow.’
Disempowering view: Victim ‘it’s not my fault’; fear; doubt.
Empowering view: Respect; responsibility; action, creation
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react
Different perspectives can be considered by describing how different people would look at the issue eg a 5 year old toddler vs an elderly person.
We think with our entire body – the way we give expression in our face and body; our posture.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
commitment vs trying 1
We’re always committed
Unconscientious commitment UAC
We even make sure we have friends around us who agree with our reasons.
There is a lot of power in becoming honest with yourself about why you do things the way you do: This is the key to living a powerful peaceful fulfilling life.
The opposite of living an ‘examined’ life (Socrates) life is living as a victim of life.
You don’t have to be complaining to be drifting and a victim.
You might think that choices have been removed by fate. However, there are always choices no matter what the circumstances.
Applying the model
Don’t use these insights to disempower – don’t judge yourself harshly for them. The purpose of getting to the real commitment behind anything we do is to give ourselves free choice. You can be in control.
Trying - Often, a cover up for a UAC. We make a commitment and struggle to keep – ‘try’ leaves a backdoor.
Following through on commitments is powerful – builds confidence and trust. If we’re in a control of a UAC we can choose to do or not do something about it.
Be alert to the client’s language.
Structures
Actions need to be aligned with your goals. If so, you’re committed.
To help this process: Structure
If you’re committed you’ll put in place a structure to make the time etc available. You’ll welcome it.
Tools
Use a scale of 1-10 and ask…..
Are you motivated? How do you feel? What would you feel like? How much commitment have you put in?
Now, ask, ‘What can we do to make it 10 out of 10.
What action would you be willing to take this week? Is there any resentment?
Now, introduce structure such as accountability email etc
‘I’m going to get a 100 clients’ is something we can’t ultimately control
‘I’m going to make a hundred contacts’ is something we can control
Listen to positive UAC’s
Last Session: Completion session – note all acknowledgements – celebrate.
Then if applicable, suggest other goals it’d be worthwhile to work together.
What are 3 things in your life that you have committed to and achieved.
1. Emigrating to Australia
2. Playing bagpipes
3. Passing my driving test
What are 3 things you have been trying to achieve for a long time but haven’t yet?
1. Daily time with God in prayer
2. Going back to the UK, Bradford
3. My filing
Why have you been able to achieve the things in qu 1 and not in qu 2
Motivation; Real commitment
Qu 2 commitments can be a ‘dream stick’
A vision – a destination
What structures do you have in place to support your commitments?
Accountability
Surround yourself with people who won’t reinforce your negative commitment
Can you think of UAC’s you might have which empower you and make your life better?
Integrity – deliver what I promise
Belief in order
I’m responsible for who I am
Unconscientious commitment UAC
We even make sure we have friends around us who agree with our reasons.
There is a lot of power in becoming honest with yourself about why you do things the way you do: This is the key to living a powerful peaceful fulfilling life.
The opposite of living an ‘examined’ life (Socrates) life is living as a victim of life.
You don’t have to be complaining to be drifting and a victim.
You might think that choices have been removed by fate. However, there are always choices no matter what the circumstances.
Applying the model
Don’t use these insights to disempower – don’t judge yourself harshly for them. The purpose of getting to the real commitment behind anything we do is to give ourselves free choice. You can be in control.
Trying - Often, a cover up for a UAC. We make a commitment and struggle to keep – ‘try’ leaves a backdoor.
Following through on commitments is powerful – builds confidence and trust. If we’re in a control of a UAC we can choose to do or not do something about it.
Be alert to the client’s language.
Structures
Actions need to be aligned with your goals. If so, you’re committed.
To help this process: Structure
If you’re committed you’ll put in place a structure to make the time etc available. You’ll welcome it.
Tools
Use a scale of 1-10 and ask…..
Are you motivated? How do you feel? What would you feel like? How much commitment have you put in?
Now, ask, ‘What can we do to make it 10 out of 10.
What action would you be willing to take this week? Is there any resentment?
Now, introduce structure such as accountability email etc
‘I’m going to get a 100 clients’ is something we can’t ultimately control
‘I’m going to make a hundred contacts’ is something we can control
Listen to positive UAC’s
Last Session: Completion session – note all acknowledgements – celebrate.
Then if applicable, suggest other goals it’d be worthwhile to work together.
What are 3 things in your life that you have committed to and achieved.
1. Emigrating to Australia
2. Playing bagpipes
3. Passing my driving test
What are 3 things you have been trying to achieve for a long time but haven’t yet?
1. Daily time with God in prayer
2. Going back to the UK, Bradford
3. My filing
Why have you been able to achieve the things in qu 1 and not in qu 2
Motivation; Real commitment
Qu 2 commitments can be a ‘dream stick’
A vision – a destination
What structures do you have in place to support your commitments?
Accountability
Surround yourself with people who won’t reinforce your negative commitment
Can you think of UAC’s you might have which empower you and make your life better?
Integrity – deliver what I promise
Belief in order
I’m responsible for who I am
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
creating structure 1
Process of creating boundaries and standards. It creates a pattern for us to follow and sets expectations.
You might be rigid or flexible in what you offer eg more intensive structures for people working on short term goals or projects eg 2 hrs for 6 weeks
Choice: It is a balance between being open to customer needs, whilst knowing your own strengths.
Professional standards
Define the level of performance; what your clients can count on you for. We may choose a consequence.
Policies – coaching guide – include on your website.
Procedures: what to do when x happens
Logistics: How coaching works
FAQ: Frequency Asked Questions
I will decide to give client once the client has signed on – identify some key points in trial session.
Assume the audience knows nothing.
Logistics: day-to-day administration
Structure supports freedom. Coachee has something to negotiate around.
Reflection
Initially, coaching might be more exhausting
Make your job enjoyable / fun. This creates energy. Always remember it’s the coachee who does the hard work / make it happen.
Source: Linda Richards – Failed Coaching
Coaching can help you to see things which you wouldn’t otherwise be able to see.
First sessions might need to be longer than subsequent sessions. We mighty need a rate per hour.
Plan possible extra time (30 mins) in between each session. Plan the 3rd or 4th session (often the most emotional) at the end of the day when the client can hang back.
What structures are you going to put in place in your practice that will direct the logistics of how you work with clients?
Price
First 12 months, whilst training: A free trial session and then a monthly cost of $50’s for the first 3 months then $100’s per month for the next 3 months.
Charge a minimum of $300's for the month to be paid upfront - given my business niche I'd hope to be at $400 per month in 2 years
Standards:
I will respond to emails in 24 hours or I’ll discount the months bill by $50’s or a free email session
If I cancel a session, the next session will be free
ICA standards
What will be my clients’ most common questions?
What is the coaching process going to look like?
How long will the client need to do have sessions?
How much will it cost?
How long will it be and how many times will we have a session?
Why does coaching work?
What credentials do coaches have?
How soon can the client expect to see results?
Is coaching therapy / counselling?
Five years from now, what difference could it make to your coaching practice to have standards you commit to and meet for your clients?
I will have achieved a consistently high standard of service and reliability: Integrity
What could be the impact of advertising standards to your clients and perspective clients?
?
When is the best time to introduce clients or prospective clients to your policies?
Once they have expressed interest to continue from the trial session
You might be rigid or flexible in what you offer eg more intensive structures for people working on short term goals or projects eg 2 hrs for 6 weeks
Choice: It is a balance between being open to customer needs, whilst knowing your own strengths.
Professional standards
Define the level of performance; what your clients can count on you for. We may choose a consequence.
Policies – coaching guide – include on your website.
Procedures: what to do when x happens
Logistics: How coaching works
FAQ: Frequency Asked Questions
I will decide to give client once the client has signed on – identify some key points in trial session.
Assume the audience knows nothing.
Logistics: day-to-day administration
Structure supports freedom. Coachee has something to negotiate around.
Reflection
Initially, coaching might be more exhausting
Make your job enjoyable / fun. This creates energy. Always remember it’s the coachee who does the hard work / make it happen.
Source: Linda Richards – Failed Coaching
Coaching can help you to see things which you wouldn’t otherwise be able to see.
First sessions might need to be longer than subsequent sessions. We mighty need a rate per hour.
Plan possible extra time (30 mins) in between each session. Plan the 3rd or 4th session (often the most emotional) at the end of the day when the client can hang back.
What structures are you going to put in place in your practice that will direct the logistics of how you work with clients?
Price
First 12 months, whilst training: A free trial session and then a monthly cost of $50’s for the first 3 months then $100’s per month for the next 3 months.
Charge a minimum of $300's for the month to be paid upfront - given my business niche I'd hope to be at $400 per month in 2 years
Standards:
I will respond to emails in 24 hours or I’ll discount the months bill by $50’s or a free email session
If I cancel a session, the next session will be free
ICA standards
What will be my clients’ most common questions?
What is the coaching process going to look like?
How long will the client need to do have sessions?
How much will it cost?
How long will it be and how many times will we have a session?
Why does coaching work?
What credentials do coaches have?
How soon can the client expect to see results?
Is coaching therapy / counselling?
Five years from now, what difference could it make to your coaching practice to have standards you commit to and meet for your clients?
I will have achieved a consistently high standard of service and reliability: Integrity
What could be the impact of advertising standards to your clients and perspective clients?
?
When is the best time to introduce clients or prospective clients to your policies?
Once they have expressed interest to continue from the trial session
creating action 2
Question: How would you feel if you never took the action.
Emotions such as anger may well come before being grateful for the call to action. As a coach we remain without emotion.
Go directly to the interference.
Power tools
Action vs delay
Commitment vs trying
Respond vs reaction (correct action vs action)
Reframing
BEFORE ----------------------------------------AFTER
U.A.C.
Can’t vs won’t
We need to identify the problem and the appropriate tool.
Goals can stop you if it’s not really want you want or it appears too much.
Acknowledgement: Early
‘20 out of 20’ affirmation is significantly better motivator than a ‘19 out of 20’.
Faith in people. Absolutely believe in the idea of a business for eg
Reflection: You’ll always choose what you have a passion for.
Take one of the tools and use it in everyday life in moving someone forward. - Being a coach not just doing a coach
Emotions such as anger may well come before being grateful for the call to action. As a coach we remain without emotion.
Go directly to the interference.
Power tools
Action vs delay
Commitment vs trying
Respond vs reaction (correct action vs action)
Reframing
BEFORE ----------------------------------------AFTER
U.A.C.
Can’t vs won’t
We need to identify the problem and the appropriate tool.
Goals can stop you if it’s not really want you want or it appears too much.
Acknowledgement: Early
‘20 out of 20’ affirmation is significantly better motivator than a ‘19 out of 20’.
Faith in people. Absolutely believe in the idea of a business for eg
Reflection: You’ll always choose what you have a passion for.
Take one of the tools and use it in everyday life in moving someone forward. - Being a coach not just doing a coach
power listening 2
Golden triangle – Top of the triangle symbolises a ‘thinking cloud’ – thoughts about the client – ‘Hover above’ the coaching session; detach yourself from the conversation. Consequently, you can pay attention to the process or goals. We can get into a help mode. We avoid getting too close and simply fast tracking solutions.
After coaching session – reflect on your own behaviour – are you working too hard? If so, you’re probably trying to provide solutions.
Sympathy vs empathy
Sympathy is looking down in the hole
Sympathy is getting down in the hole.
Focus on questions to avoid sympathy. Focus on directing her helping herself of the hole rather than getting her out of the hole. Avoid ‘helping’!
We are not a ‘rent a friend’ business!
Coachee needs to walk out saying “ain’t I great!” not “isn’t the coach great”. Detach yourself from the coachee’s success.
How difficult is it to suspend judgement and opinions?
For me, it is very difficult, especially if I'm using the 'I' word to establish ownership of what I say. However, in a written document we achieve authority and objectivity by avoiding 'I'.
What are 5 things a coach needs to listen for with a client
ReflectionWe must listen and understand it's all about the coachee. However, in order to be authentic and establish a trust / relationship, we need to encourage the client to open up and become vulnerable, exposing issues of their heart. I believe this can be achieved, in part, by modelling this behaviour. This is being empathetic. It necessitates some degree of discussing our own experiences. Negative consequences would include endangering the professional relationship and the client focus. However, I believe that trust and relationship thrives on this. It is a fine balance we need to achieve!
After coaching session – reflect on your own behaviour – are you working too hard? If so, you’re probably trying to provide solutions.
Sympathy vs empathy
Sympathy is looking down in the hole
Sympathy is getting down in the hole.
Focus on questions to avoid sympathy. Focus on directing her helping herself of the hole rather than getting her out of the hole. Avoid ‘helping’!
We are not a ‘rent a friend’ business!
Coachee needs to walk out saying “ain’t I great!” not “isn’t the coach great”. Detach yourself from the coachee’s success.
How difficult is it to suspend judgement and opinions?
For me, it is very difficult, especially if I'm using the 'I' word to establish ownership of what I say. However, in a written document we achieve authority and objectivity by avoiding 'I'.
What are 5 things a coach needs to listen for with a client
ReflectionWe must listen and understand it's all about the coachee. However, in order to be authentic and establish a trust / relationship, we need to encourage the client to open up and become vulnerable, exposing issues of their heart. I believe this can be achieved, in part, by modelling this behaviour. This is being empathetic. It necessitates some degree of discussing our own experiences. Negative consequences would include endangering the professional relationship and the client focus. However, I believe that trust and relationship thrives on this. It is a fine balance we need to achieve!
introduction to coaching
Introduction to coaching
Definition: Ongoing partnership producing results in the personal and professional lives – improve performance and quality of life – ideal life!
How? Listening; observation; customisation and a dialogue to establish values and priority of goals – help others to help themselves
Differences with other professions
Therapy
Focuses on past events
People / clients need to become emotionally healthy
Coaching is action orientated
Coaching can identify a need for therapy
Consulting
Expert model – the opposite to coaching
Specialist in a given area with a particular problem
Coach, on the other hand, doesn’t have to be an expert. The client is the expert and the coach collaborates using the client’s knowledge and answers.
Mentoring
Father notion: Bestows their knowledge and wisdom onto the student
Coaching is side by side partnership.
Some validation research
Manchester Inc. Study ‘Executive Coaching Yields Return on Investments of almost 6 times its cost’. It used 100 executives from Fortune 1000 executives from Fortune 1000 companies who received coaching from Manchester Inc.
ROI of almost 6x the cost of coaching
Resource for starting coaching: Co-active coaching Laura Whitworth
4 cornerstones
The client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole (well) – If not whole then we need therapy.
Joy comes from creativity
Coaching addresses the whole life. Coaches that don’t may feel they don’t have the skills.
Golden rule: If you’re spending a lot of time talking about the past you’re in a therapeutic situation.
Build rapport / trust first – who the person is today. What’s the interference in their life. Know your criteria for achieving rapour. It can be different for your client. Rapour is about you – that the client can trust that everything you say is for their benefit.
Psychology resource: The skilled helper – Ega
The agenda has to come from the client. The goal is specified by the client.
2 forces that combine – Action and learning. Coaching is not simply getting things done (action). Asking questions can create learning – can’t do this without listening – listen until you don’t exist. Stop the chatter and be curious.
The relationship is an equal partnership – a designed alliance. Coaching is about of learning
Definition: Ongoing partnership producing results in the personal and professional lives – improve performance and quality of life – ideal life!
How? Listening; observation; customisation and a dialogue to establish values and priority of goals – help others to help themselves
Differences with other professions
Therapy
Focuses on past events
People / clients need to become emotionally healthy
Coaching is action orientated
Coaching can identify a need for therapy
Consulting
Expert model – the opposite to coaching
Specialist in a given area with a particular problem
Coach, on the other hand, doesn’t have to be an expert. The client is the expert and the coach collaborates using the client’s knowledge and answers.
Mentoring
Father notion: Bestows their knowledge and wisdom onto the student
Coaching is side by side partnership.
Some validation research
Manchester Inc. Study ‘Executive Coaching Yields Return on Investments of almost 6 times its cost’. It used 100 executives from Fortune 1000 executives from Fortune 1000 companies who received coaching from Manchester Inc.
ROI of almost 6x the cost of coaching
Resource for starting coaching: Co-active coaching Laura Whitworth
4 cornerstones
The client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole (well) – If not whole then we need therapy.
Joy comes from creativity
Coaching addresses the whole life. Coaches that don’t may feel they don’t have the skills.
Golden rule: If you’re spending a lot of time talking about the past you’re in a therapeutic situation.
Build rapport / trust first – who the person is today. What’s the interference in their life. Know your criteria for achieving rapour. It can be different for your client. Rapour is about you – that the client can trust that everything you say is for their benefit.
Psychology resource: The skilled helper – Ega
The agenda has to come from the client. The goal is specified by the client.
2 forces that combine – Action and learning. Coaching is not simply getting things done (action). Asking questions can create learning – can’t do this without listening – listen until you don’t exist. Stop the chatter and be curious.
The relationship is an equal partnership – a designed alliance. Coaching is about of learning
trial session 1 & 2
Trial – clarify there is no obligation
Moves coachee from wanting to change to making a decision to change.
Client is encouraged to talk about their goals, dreams and plans for their life
Alignment – You and the client in clear agreement then you’re aligned. There is no hidden agenda; a clear vision; clear expectations; being transparent – don’t overpromise.
Avoid an underlying perspective for selling. The perspective should be ‘what will be the best support for the prospective client.
Choice: Big picture vs one issue
Preliminary questions begin the enthusing process. “What do you want to achieve or leave from this session?”
Reflections
Moves coachee from wanting to change to making a decision to change.
Client is encouraged to talk about their goals, dreams and plans for their life
Alignment – You and the client in clear agreement then you’re aligned. There is no hidden agenda; a clear vision; clear expectations; being transparent – don’t overpromise.
Avoid an underlying perspective for selling. The perspective should be ‘what will be the best support for the prospective client.
Choice: Big picture vs one issue
Preliminary questions begin the enthusing process. “What do you want to achieve or leave from this session?”
Reflections
Finding perspective clients:
* Peer coaches
* Use contacts in another industry
* Send an email to give a complimentary session. Be excited!
We need clarity and transparency
Questions to enthuse
* Are you happy with where you are?
* Is there anything you would have done different in your life?
* Can you imagine an hour where we can talk just about you?
* What plans do you have?
* If you had an extra day in the week what would you spend it on?
Pretend you’re the first coach on the planet and don’t have a perspective of trying to get it right. Write 1 – 4 objectives for your trials session. What do you want to achieve by the end of the session? What is an outcome you want? What is an outcome your prospective client might want?
Objectives:
* Established a rapport and a solid professional relationship
* Establish a picture of where the client is at – I have a basic outline of his/her story
* I am beginning to understand some key client priorities; dreams ; goals we may explore further
* The client clearly understands my expectations and standards
My Trial Session:
How would it work?
1. We would meet face to face with an email to follow up. (The email would recap the key issues, lesson learnt and the steps forward, short and long term).
2. We’ll meet for an hour. My objective is to give you the very best. There’ll be no obligations. If, I’m not suitable then I’ll recommend another coach.
4. We’ll begin by discovering who you are, what’s important to you and your real priorities. This will be, to some extent, introspective and will most likely take the whole trial session.
What would it look like?
1. I smell coffee and a delicious cake! We’ve found space to do life without phone calls; job commitments; family commitments. We’re chilled out, relaxed and ready to have some fun!
2. I explain, in more detail, what coaching is about and the overall process involved. I outline to you the objective of the trial session: For me to understand your story and to identify areas in your life that are important to you.
3. Me and you are having a conversation (not a questions and answers session!) but I’m doing most of the listening. I am absolutely intent on listening to your whole story – your perspective on your life.
4. I am identifying opportunities to ask questions linked to your response. It is conversational, in style.
5. I offer alternative perspectives and ask challenging questions to help you reflect on who you are and what’s important to you, now.
6. You construct a ‘wheel of life’ (or some other tool). You identify 6 – 8 areas in your life that are important to you. I do not offer you any list to choose from – it’s up to you! Of course, I may give you a couple of examples to begin the process. eg's Purpose / Spirituality / Job / Health / Self Care / Finances / Relationships / Lifestyle The wheel of life is likle a pie chart with each segment representing the most important pillars of your life.
7. You will have the first attempt at prioritising your ‘wheel of life’ with my support, if necessary.
8. At the end of the trial session, I ask you for feedback.
9. I ask you if you have found the process enlightening, insightful and / or helpful. If a positive response, I ask you if you’d like to schedule a month of coaching sessions. Homework (fieldwork): Consider 3 goals for the top 3 areas of your life.
10. I am not pushy nor do I say anything that in any way sounds like a sales pitch.
In the follow up sessions:
11. Confirm the areas of importance and confirm the priority of their importance to you.
12. We confirm the goals to achieve in 1 to 3 primary areas of your life. We’ll discuss generally, how some may be short and some long term goals.
13. We begin to break down broad goals into smaller realistic achievable (S.M.A.R.T.) steps
14. Once you make a decision to take action, I support it 110% and enthuse you to actually take the necessary steps.
15. At the start of each session, I always ask you which area of your life you’d like to be coached. You are always in control of the process.
16. I affirm your successes, and offer accountability; I am a partner travelling the journey with you.
Comments on the suggested Course outline:
1. Set a perspective, by asking questions to help the client understand what they can get out of the trial session. eg what do you want to achieve in this session?
I have to confess that I am not entirely convinced of this first step. How can you ask a client what they want from coaching when they know very little about the process in the trial session? Certainly, this question could be used in subsequent sessions. Rather, I would prefer a coach led introduction describing the objectives and general processes to be used in the trial session.
2. Get a vision: What would you like to have, achieve, see or feel? By when? Prioritise goals
The vision is obviously key to the whole process in the trial – What are the clients dreams. This may take the whole trial session! The goals, at this point, will most likely need much refining in the immediate sessions that follow. Also, the timeframe may only be very general (short / long) in the trial session.
3. Help them see a path: Identify some of the key necessary steps
In my view, steps will need to be for one specific area of the coachees life as an example.
4. Highlight why a coach is needed by asking questions like:
- What’s missing in your life?
- People use coaching for different things: for support, accountability, direction, focus, validation, challenge and motivation. How do you think coaching could help you.
5. Uncover any hidden objections (doubts)
- is there anything missing that you need to know about me. How I coach or who I am, for you to decide if it makes sense for us to work together?
6. Commitment to ongoing coaching by using pre-commitment questions such as:
- How important is this goal to you?
- How far are you willing to go to achieve this goal
Do not leave the session without extending an invitation to regular coaching unless you’re sure they’re unsuitable.
7, Working with new clients – admin needs to be taken care of such as contact information; the suitable time slot; welcome pack emailed or posted; payment instructions; fun fieldwork (homework)
Yes, important though not always top of mind to do!
8. Feedback from the client
- how do you feel about us working together?
- Are there any concerns at all you might have about coaching that you would like to talk about right now?
Yes, a good idea
Why should I invest my time and money in this?
You’ll:
* discover things about yourself you didn’t already know that sometimes can be an obstacle to your growth
* establish a bigger vision for your life
* appreciate yourself better as well as others
* be excited about life and it’s opportunities
* avoid being a “when …. then I will….” person
* have fun and enjoy your life’s journey
* you’ll walk down paths understanding obstacles will happen but are an opportunity to learn
* develop strategies to be an overcomer of life’s obstacles
* have more fulfilling relationships
* want to be with dynamic people like you!
* grow / change
* make better decisions
* achieve your goals
* take more, smarter and better actions
* have a balanced life – material vs spiritual vs physical health vs lifestyle vs career vs family life etc
* have more energy in your life
What are two advantages for inviting someone to do a month of coaching versus a trial session? What are the disadvantages?
advantages:
* Demonstrates commitment through investment of $’s and time
* Better able to demonstrate beneficial results of coaching
disadvantages
*Disincentive for people who are in the ‘curious’ stage. They want to find out some more about coaching without having to make any significant commitment
*Commitment is made before both coach and client can determine whether they are compatible.
ten probing questions used when searching for the goal, or dream, that excites and inspires the client. ( “What is one thing you would love to change in your life?”)
1. What is the goal or outcome you want to achieve? Or as an alternate: If you could wave a magic wand and this issue would be settled to your satisfaction, what would that look like?
2. What will happen/what are the consequences if you don't do this?
3. What are the obstacles in your way right now?
4. How will you feel once this is complete?
5. What structures do you need to put in place to enable you to achieve your goal?
6. Make a list of 5 people that you most admire and describe why you like them. What are the attributes that you want to make your own?
7. Imagine you have 12 months to live! What would you do with your life?
8. Let’s play ‘when, then’ – write down a list of ambitions you have on hold until ‘such and such’ happens. eg When I’m rich, I’ll establish my own business.
9. If you had an extra hour in the day what would you do with it?
10. What are you tolerating/putting up with? If you knew there was absolutely no way you could fail what would you go do right now?
List five major concerns or objections you expect people may have about setting up ongoing coaching. Create an honest response which will Enthuse your prospective client.
1. They may not always have the time
2. It cost too much
3. They don’t feel comfortable with the coach
4. They believe they already know everything and are doing everything they could possibly do now.
5. Vulnerability / confidential / gossip
6. Fear of a sales pitch
My honest response could be that they will not be as successful in achieving their goals and many areas of their life may remain stagnant without the structures eg accountability; enthusing and direction a coach can offer. I’d ask if they were prepared to not achieve their goals in life. However, I would have promised that this would be a no obligations session. Therefore, I would be very careful not to push the ‘Amway’ guilt trip.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
creating action 1
The client needs a process of discovery before implementing an action plan
Supporting steps
Focus on values – first step
Enhance strengths
Most underestimate their strengths. Therefore, we need to construct a strengths inventory. Use a brainstorm if necessary.
Do not focus on ‘weaknesses’ – use ‘distractions’, ‘barriers’, ‘roadblock;, ‘obstacles’ – words that sound manageable.
People will remember 4 negative events to every 1 positive event. Therefore, there is a need to counterbalance.
Goals are built on strengths
Often what supports a client is what they take out of their lives not what they add. Consequently, we need to remove roadblocks before they create a problem.
* Gathering resources to support the action
* Support in creating a list
* Goal setting and many sub goals
Prevention of slipping into old patterns
Steps backwards gives us an opportunity to acknowledge the client, to encourage
Common pattern: Quickly change / achieve initial goals then have a set-back.
May be entrenched behavioural roadblock. Therefore encouragement is needed.
Creating an action plan
Client has a roadmap and is able to track their progress and visually see the benefit of the coaching process.
Positive affirmations
In the world we are inundated with negative comments. Strategy: Have the client write down affirmations and place somewhere visual.
Focussing on solutions
Once you know hat works do more of it
When you discover something that doesn’t work do something different.
Build on past success
It can provide a shift in perspective. Client can tap into the success.
Tool: Create a Success Time line and pull the strengths from these successes
Create a list of encouraging role models
Identify who the client’s role models are and why. If they can do it so can we.
If there is no existing role model then challenge the client to find one.
Enlist the help of a support team
And also decrease the time they spend with non-supporting people. Put boundaries in place.
Reflections
A change in perspective doesn’t necessarily mean a move into action
Self insight / introspection is very important before we can take action. Do not rush into action for action’s sake.
What is the interference / obstacle between where the person is now and where they want to be.
Judgement of by others is the biggest cause of procrastination and therefore unravelling this judgement will be initially more important than defining goals.
“What others think of you is none of your business”
Judgement is ‘made up’ in our minds and can be an illusion. Our ego is all about ‘me’. Our ego does not want to be judged and always wants something in return. Therefore, we need to take our eyes off ourself and make ‘others’ the focus of our action. This is a key Christian principle.
Ask the client how they would feel if they didn’t achieve their goal.
Another strategy is to research your fear. The more you understand and dismantle your fear the more you’ll be able to rationalise it.
Knowing who we are and taking no action is fruitless but first we must know who we are! Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Process
“Faith without works is dead” but first we must knowwho we are (in Christ)!
SELF ----------------------------------------------------------------SELFLESS
-----------Identify applicable fears, rationalise and dismantle
-----------Identify judgement, rationalise and lose our ego
Introspection ------------------------------Focus action on others
Discovery of who we are -------------------Overcome Fears
Reflect on your own experience: How have you felt when others have encouraged you to take action when you doubted your strength or ability in a specific area?
I have felt energised, increased confidence and begin to build a new perspective of what is possible.
What are your top 10 strengths? How do these support you in your development of your coaching practice?
Strength & How my strength supports my practice
‘Down to earth’ - Coachee feels at ease
Open / vulnerable -Will not refrain from necessary feedback. Moreover, I’m modelling desired coachee behaviour.
Extroverted -Will be able to give feedback
Synthesiser -I can combine elements of separate material or abstract entities into a single or unified entity. Consequently, the coachee can break through the clutter.
Organised and plan ahead - Brings structure to sessions
Empathiser - Helps me connect with the client’s perspective
Business experience - Supports my business niche - relate to business people; helps me in establishing ‘my business’
Educational experience -Supports specific areas such as listening skills; client centred activities; customising my response to the needs of the individual
Belief in Christ -Supports my spiritual niche
Middle aged male - Supports my male ‘rediscovery’ niche
Think of one goal that you will have for the next month. What structures do you need to put in place to enable you to achieve your goal?
Design my promo and welcome pack. Structures: Goal is detailed in business ‘action plan’; I partner with a graphic designer; improve my own photoshop skills!
Make a list of 5 people that you most admire and describe why you like them. What are the attributes that you want to make your own?
Person admired Why I like them attributes I can make my own
Jesus - He is love! Loving people
My wife - She challenges me but maintains respect Respect people
Paul Scanlon -He has integrity Integrity
Louie Giglio - Speaks from the heart; vulnerability
Brian Houston - A great leader; confidence; risk taker
Who is on your support team? Is it big enough? Are there others you need to engage with more to support you in achieving your goals?
My wife, lawyer, accountant and marketing partners
I need to engage with my ex-colleagues in media and network with colleagues in coaching and counselling and other applicable professions.
Supporting steps
Focus on values – first step
Enhance strengths
Most underestimate their strengths. Therefore, we need to construct a strengths inventory. Use a brainstorm if necessary.
Do not focus on ‘weaknesses’ – use ‘distractions’, ‘barriers’, ‘roadblock;, ‘obstacles’ – words that sound manageable.
People will remember 4 negative events to every 1 positive event. Therefore, there is a need to counterbalance.
Goals are built on strengths
Often what supports a client is what they take out of their lives not what they add. Consequently, we need to remove roadblocks before they create a problem.
* Gathering resources to support the action
* Support in creating a list
* Goal setting and many sub goals
Prevention of slipping into old patterns
Steps backwards gives us an opportunity to acknowledge the client, to encourage
Common pattern: Quickly change / achieve initial goals then have a set-back.
May be entrenched behavioural roadblock. Therefore encouragement is needed.
Creating an action plan
Client has a roadmap and is able to track their progress and visually see the benefit of the coaching process.
Positive affirmations
In the world we are inundated with negative comments. Strategy: Have the client write down affirmations and place somewhere visual.
Focussing on solutions
Once you know hat works do more of it
When you discover something that doesn’t work do something different.
Build on past success
It can provide a shift in perspective. Client can tap into the success.
Tool: Create a Success Time line and pull the strengths from these successes
Create a list of encouraging role models
Identify who the client’s role models are and why. If they can do it so can we.
If there is no existing role model then challenge the client to find one.
Enlist the help of a support team
And also decrease the time they spend with non-supporting people. Put boundaries in place.
Reflections
A change in perspective doesn’t necessarily mean a move into action
Self insight / introspection is very important before we can take action. Do not rush into action for action’s sake.
What is the interference / obstacle between where the person is now and where they want to be.
Judgement of by others is the biggest cause of procrastination and therefore unravelling this judgement will be initially more important than defining goals.
“What others think of you is none of your business”
Judgement is ‘made up’ in our minds and can be an illusion. Our ego is all about ‘me’. Our ego does not want to be judged and always wants something in return. Therefore, we need to take our eyes off ourself and make ‘others’ the focus of our action. This is a key Christian principle.
Ask the client how they would feel if they didn’t achieve their goal.
Another strategy is to research your fear. The more you understand and dismantle your fear the more you’ll be able to rationalise it.
Knowing who we are and taking no action is fruitless but first we must know who we are! Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Process
“Faith without works is dead” but first we must knowwho we are (in Christ)!
SELF ----------------------------------------------------------------SELFLESS
-----------Identify applicable fears, rationalise and dismantle
-----------Identify judgement, rationalise and lose our ego
Introspection ------------------------------Focus action on others
Discovery of who we are -------------------Overcome Fears
Reflect on your own experience: How have you felt when others have encouraged you to take action when you doubted your strength or ability in a specific area?
I have felt energised, increased confidence and begin to build a new perspective of what is possible.
What are your top 10 strengths? How do these support you in your development of your coaching practice?
Strength & How my strength supports my practice
‘Down to earth’ - Coachee feels at ease
Open / vulnerable -Will not refrain from necessary feedback. Moreover, I’m modelling desired coachee behaviour.
Extroverted -Will be able to give feedback
Synthesiser -I can combine elements of separate material or abstract entities into a single or unified entity. Consequently, the coachee can break through the clutter.
Organised and plan ahead - Brings structure to sessions
Empathiser - Helps me connect with the client’s perspective
Business experience - Supports my business niche - relate to business people; helps me in establishing ‘my business’
Educational experience -Supports specific areas such as listening skills; client centred activities; customising my response to the needs of the individual
Belief in Christ -Supports my spiritual niche
Middle aged male - Supports my male ‘rediscovery’ niche
Think of one goal that you will have for the next month. What structures do you need to put in place to enable you to achieve your goal?
Design my promo and welcome pack. Structures: Goal is detailed in business ‘action plan’; I partner with a graphic designer; improve my own photoshop skills!
Make a list of 5 people that you most admire and describe why you like them. What are the attributes that you want to make your own?
Person admired Why I like them attributes I can make my own
Jesus - He is love! Loving people
My wife - She challenges me but maintains respect Respect people
Paul Scanlon -He has integrity Integrity
Louie Giglio - Speaks from the heart; vulnerability
Brian Houston - A great leader; confidence; risk taker
Who is on your support team? Is it big enough? Are there others you need to engage with more to support you in achieving your goals?
My wife, lawyer, accountant and marketing partners
I need to engage with my ex-colleagues in media and network with colleagues in coaching and counselling and other applicable professions.
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